


Perfectly Flawed

by Flygon_Master



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Amputee Peridot (Steven Universe), Cuddling & Snuggling, F/F, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Loneliness, Mental Instability, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Social Anxiety
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-12-02
Packaged: 2019-06-13 08:49:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 42,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15360726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flygon_Master/pseuds/Flygon_Master
Summary: "I don't care if you're broken, damaged, boring, incomplete, defective, fractured, unproductive, mediocre or an insufferably flawed mess...you're mine now and I love you."





	1. Flawed Start Pt. 01

_I have been informed you are excelling in your studies. I expect you to continue to do so, do not disappoint me again._

_\- Diamond_

Peridot frowned at her phone for a moment before shutting off the screen and stuffing it back into her bag with a huff. Muttering spitefully at her mother’s seemingly adamant refusal to treat her as anything more than an unsavory business partner.

“Could have at least ended the email with ‘your mother’ or something…”

The small blonde shook her head, almost as if she were trying to physically shake the image of her mother’s disapproving scowl out of her mind. An annoyed sigh escaped her lips as she turned back to her small pet project, a homemade robot she lovingly called her Meep Morp, in hopes of salvaging the pleasant afternoon she had been having.

She had been sent to Beach City by her mother to attend one of the country’s most prestigious schools, creatively named Beach City University, in order to gain a Bachelor’s Degree in Electrical Engineering due to ‘it being the only thing she could do correctly’. However, since her mother had ungodly high expectations for her spawn Peridot was forced into taking a dual major program for Applied Sciences as well.

Being a dual major meant that, while not technically having double the workload since some class credits carried over, she still had to devote quite a bit more time than most other students to her studies.

Which didn’t really bother her all that much as she lived her life devoid of the normal college student social life, she did find it a little irksome that her studies often cut into her ‘TV Time’ but she supposed that was just par for the course that was her life.

A small smile creeped onto her lips as she thought about how she would start watching season three of Camp Pinning Hearts for the eighth time that evening once all her classes had ended and her homework was done.

For now though Peridot was content to sit at her secluded picnic table, far and removed from where the rest of the students normally loitered between classes, to work on her Meep Morp uninterrupted until it was time to head to her next class.

“Clodding little latch, free yourself this instant!” Peridot grumbled with furrowed eyebrows as she leaned in closer to try and make adjustments to the small robot’s interior without the proper magnifying equipment.

It didn’t take long for Peridot to lose herself in her tinkering. The little techie had a habit of crawling into her own thoughts when she got focused on something, effectively abandoning reality and her spatial awareness to divert all her mental energy to whatever task was set before her.

However, it wasn’t hard to bring her back from her thoughts. A gentle nudge or sharp alarm often did the trick, although this time her concentration was broken when a soft whirring noise cut through the stagnant air that had surrounded the small engineer.

Annoyed at this new distraction Peridot glanced up to catch a glimpse of a small white drone flying wildly through the air for a few moments before a sharp gust of wind knocked it out of the sky sending it crashing roughly into the ground.

Peridot narrowed her gaze, glaring at the drone for disturbing her. Her first thought was that she was being spied upon, but she quickly abandoned that particular thought as she did not deem herself important enough for someone to spy on her, let alone in such a roundabout way.

Its owner had most likely just gotten it, probably as a birthday gift or something, and wanted to fly it despite the weather conditions being unsuited for drone use.

Peridot’s next thought was to pack up and leave before the owner of the drone came to retrieve it and she risked having to deal with some form of social contact. After closing up her own little robot and placing it into her bag she stood to leave but stopped after a few steps when she heard the drone’s motor still whirring a little.

She could see from where she stood a few feet away that one of the drone’s propellers had practically exploded and the arm on which it sat had snapped off. It wasn’t too badly damaged all things considered; however, it was bad enough that any normal person would simply throw the small machine away instead of paying to have it fixed.

A pang of hurt flashed through Peridot’s body at the thought as she reached down to rub at one of her legs…

With an exaggerated sigh she made her way over to the drone, picking it up along with its pieces, and bringing it back to the picnic table she had just been sitting at. Taking out her tools and some spare parts intended for her little Meep Morp, she began repairing the damage the drone had suffered upon impact.

Her mind had once again been so wholly engulfed in her tinkering with the small machine that she failed to notice a group of students wandering around the corner of the building, obviously looking for the drone.

“Man that’s fucked up! I haven’t even had it for a week yet!” A voice Peridot recognized as Amethyst Kar drew her from her work induced trance and where there was Amethyst…

“I warned you not to play with it in this wind!”

There was the shrill Pearl White. Peridot had a few classes with the lanky prima donna and found that Amethyst was practically glued to the girl, whenever their class would have a free lab day or something of the like Amethyst was always there to watch over Pearl’s shoulder and generally be a nuisance to the rest of the class…or at least to Peridot.

One of the other two with them Peridot had seen before, Garnet Fush, but that was the extent of her knowledge of that girl having only seen her a few times when she and Amethyst showed up to pick up Pearl after their classes.

Aside from the fact she had never seen the tall girl without some form of tinted eyewear.

The second girl however was new, this girl was about as tall as Pearl but not nearly as lanky. This girl looked as physically fit as Garnet did only in a more streamlined manner, toned arms and legs clearly visible due to her preferred choice of late spring wear consisting of a navy blue tank top and jean shorts.

What really caught Peridot’s gaze was the electric blue hair the girl sported along with an air of confidence the smaller blonde did not often see. Peridot shook her head lightly, mentally kicking herself for staring at the tanned athlete for so long.

The bespectacled girl failed to see the smirk on the blunette’s face as she happened to catch Peridot staring mere moments before she tore her gaze away.

Peridot refocused on putting the finishing touches to her repair job when Amethyst caught sight of her and the drone.

“Hey my drone!” Amethyst shouted excitedly, rushing over to where Peridot sat at her table. The blonde mentally thanking the girl for giving her a brief moment to prepare for this upcoming social interaction.

“It wasn’t too badly damaged Kar, but I suggest you either take it to a true repair shop or don’t let it crash like that again.” Peridot said curtly as she placed the drone into Amethyst’s flabbergasted hands before swiftly grabbing her bag and making an effort to walk away from the small group before anyone else could say anything.

“You fixed it?”

Curse her short stature and diminutive stride. “Yes, as I said it wasn’t too critically damaged and I had some spare parts I could utilize for its repair.” Peridot frowned a little, trying to signal to the group that she was wholly done with having this conversation.

“Wow that’s amazing Peri! I’m, like, totally floored dude!” Amethyst beamed as she pulled lightly on the propeller as if she couldn’t believe Peridot had actually fixed it for her.

Peridot winced angrily at the nickname, rather despising that particular moniker, but before she could correct the slightly shorter girl Pearl spoke up.

“That’s the stunning prowess of an engineer for you!” Pearl said, puffing out her chest pridefully as if she had been the one to fix the drone.

“It’s pretty cool of you to use your own stuff to fix it. I know from hanging with Pearl that those techie parts can be pretty pricey…” Garnet said coolly, nudging Amethyst lightly as if to force her words into the exuberant girl’s head.

While Peridot had to agree, a few of the things she used had cost her a little more than she would have liked to admit, she was most certainly not going to ask to be reimbursed. She hadn’t even wanted to stick around after returning the clodding drone.

“Yeah! Hey that’s true, let me make it up to you Peri, I know of all sorts of great places to eat in this town! I’ll treat you to something!” Amethyst said excitedly after a moment or two of consideration, stepping closer to the introverted girl with stars in her eyes.

“Ech, no that is quite alright. There is no need to feel required to reimburse me for the materials I used to repair your drone.” Peridot snipped, adjusting her bag strap in an effort to appear like she needed to leave.

Catching a glimpse of the blunette’s half lidded gaze and bemused smile before her attention was drawn back to Amethyst.

“I _insist_ man, you super came in clutch for me and I want to give you something to show my thanks ya’ know?” Amethyst pressed, sporting a small frown of her own as she stepped even closer to Peridot who subconsciously took a few steps back in an effort to maintain her distance from their little group.

“I _insist_ it is unnecessary!” Peridot all but hissed back, fully unaware that the correct thing to do in that specific social setting, especially against Amethyst, was to simply accept the others offer whether you actually intended to take them up on it or not.

Amethyst puffed up a bit as she prepared what she was going to say next. Pearl looked at Peridot with an apologetic smile seemingly understanding the small blonde's lack of social tact and unwillingness to give in when pressured. Garnet wore a small knowing smile while the blunette now held a lopsided grin of amusement.

“Now you listen here you little nerd, I’m going to treat you to some tasty chow and you are going to like it! If you refuse me even one more time I’m gonna hound you every single day after every single one of your classes until you say yes!”

Peridot gawked at the sheer nerve this girl had, but as Peridot searched for reassurance that Amethyst was merely kidding in the other’s eyes she horrifyingly found the exact opposite.

“She will follow you forever until you give in, trust me I know.” The blunette spoke with barely contained laughter, while Amethyst smiled smugly and nodded her head.

“I- You- Gyaaa! Fine, I am free Monday, Friday and Saturday nights.” Peridot gave up with a nasally sigh, the last thing she wanted was for Amethyst to bother her every day until she graduated.

“Score! Here give me your phone I’ll put my number in.” Amethyst said excitedly with a toothy grin as she held out her hand.

Peridot mumbled something under her breath, but dug the requested piece of tech out of her bag and handed it over to the stout girl regardless.

Once the device had been placed into her palm Amethyst passed it off to the blunette as she began digging around in her own bag. “Hold onto that for a sec Lappy, gotta find my phone.”

“Honestly Ame, you haven’t memorized your own number yet?” Pearl chastised, throwing her hands into the air in exasperation.

“Lappy?” Peridot questioned, cocking an eyebrow as she fixed the athlete with a level stare waiting for an explanation to be given about the odd name Amethyst had used to address the assumed athlete.

“The name is Lapis Lazuli short stuff.” Lapis said with a smirk opening Peridot’s phone as the owner merely huffed indignantly, crossing her arms over her chest. Eyes quickly scanning over the screen before switching to the contacts and inputting her own number.

“Hey that’s a good idea Lappy, put in mine Pearls and Garnets too.” Amethyst said with a satisfied smile as she ceased looking though her bag, leaving Peridot to only imagine the disarray that was held within it if she couldn’t even locate her own phone.

Peridot fidgeted for a moment, waiting for the inevitable mockery Lapis was sure to dish out once she saw her lack of contacts. The only numbers she had saved were her mother’s and the number for student services, as well as a local game shop she frequented.

To her surprise the mocking never came and after Lapis had input their numbers and sent a message out to each one so they would have Peridot’s number as well, she simply handed the phone back to the blonde with a surprisingly sincere smile.

“Okay P-Dot I’ll add you to our little group chat and we can discuss times and stuff for our dinner date!” Amethyst said cheerfully with an overly flirtatious wink.

Peridot’s face colored brightly at the use of the term 'date' as she began stuttering incoherent complaints as she pointed at Amethyst accusingly with one hand while gripping her satchel strap tightly in the other.

Garnet simply smiled at the blonde’s outburst while Pearl tried to calm her down, holding her hands up in a manner one normally used to console a child. Amethyst and Lapis merely laughed openly at her, causing Peridot’s face to only darken in shade.

“You are all insufferable clods!” Peridot squeaked angrily as she turned and marched off, ignoring the groups apologetic pleas for her to come back. She felt humiliated, why did everyone have to make fun of her…she even did something nice too…

A small frown found its way onto her lips as she trudged towards her next class, mentally scolding herself the whole way there for making such a fool out of herself for no reason.

The rest of her afternoon seemed to blur by. Much to her annoyance she found herself constantly lost in thought instead of focusing on her lectures, scolding herself with light slaps to her cheeks didn’t seem to improve her attention span either so after a few moments of listening to one of her teachers drone on she slipped back into her thoughts.

There was just something that didn’t sit right about her interaction with Amethyst’s little group earlier that afternoon and the more she thought about it the more the image of the blunette laughing at her came to her mind.

However, that in and of itself didn’t make any sense. People laughed at her all the time…why would Lapis Lazuli be any different?

Peridot had failed to notice that her final class of the day had ended or that she was now sitting alone in an empty classroom.

She was too lost in her thoughts to notice when another person entered the room, looming in the doorway before walking into the room to sit beside her. Too caught up in her search for answers to the uneasy feeling in her stomach to consider that someone would come seek her out, it wasn’t until the bell signaling classes were over for the day rang that Peridot broke from her thoughts.

It took a second for her to realize she wasn’t alone, but as soon as she did her head snapped to the side to find out who had chosen to sit right beside her in a completely empty classroom.

“Lapis Lazuli.” Peridot spoke in an accusing tone, flinching away as she snatched her bag from the floor between them clutching it to her chest.

“Whoa there Peri I come in peace.” Lapis laughed slipping her phone into her pocket before holding her hands up in surrender, a small smirk on her lips. Peridot was about to respond when Lapis leaned back in her chair and placed her legs onto the desk in front of them.

Whatever retort Peridot had planned on saying died in her throat, replaced by a strangled coughing noise as her eyes were suddenly glued to the long toned legs resting in front of her.

“You weren’t answering any of the group messages so we split up to find you, but you looked like you were busy thinking so I decided to wait for you to be done instead of interrupting.” Lapis said with a smug grin, easily catching Peridot’s gaze, before flexing her leg muscles slightly.

Peridot’s face burned brightly as she realized she had been caught staring. “I was unaware I had received any messages, I do not get texts very frequently.” Peridot muttered, clearing her throat as she tore her gaze away from the perfect pair of legs in front of her.

“Yeah I saw your contact list, lose your phone with all your high school contacts or did you just want a clean start?” Lapis asked in a questioning tone, nothing malicious or dripping with mockery, just genuine curiosity from what Peridot could tell.

“I fail to see where it is any of your clodding business, but if you must know it is because I did not have friends in high school.” Peridot muttered, lips tightening as she averted her gaze from Lapis to her newly retrieved phone in an attempt to keep a shred of her dignity intact.

Plus she might as well read her new messages.

Lapis didn’t press the smaller girl further, feeling her grin falter at the answer Peridot had given her. Although it was back mere moments later by the techie’s sudden outburst after having gone through the group chat she had been forced to be a part of.

“Amethyst wants to go out tonight?! I have not had ample time to prepare for such an event to occur tonight!” Peridot said indignantly as she fixed Lapis with a level glare as if she had been the one to suggest it.

“Hey don’t get frosty with me little missy! I didn’t suggest it.” Lapis said with an overly fake pout, placing her hands on her hips and failing miserably at hiding her amusement at Peridot’s reaction. “Besides it’s just us going to get food, not like it’s an actual date or something.”

Peridot sputtered angrily, complaining about her state of dress and that she had not had time to shower or touch up her hair. Only to be stopped suddenly by Lapis jumping up from her chair and offering a hand to her.

“It’s not a fancy restaurant so your cargo pants and alien t-shirt flannel combo will do just fine, besides I think you look cute.” Lapis spoke with a slight tease in her voice as she reached down to grab Peridot’s hand after the smaller girl had failed to reach out on her own accord.

Peridot’s mind was in complete hysteria. Cute? Her? Never had anyone genuinely told her she was cute, not even her own mother! Surely this girl was just making fun of her, her voice did hold a teasing edge…but even then when Peridot searched her eyes she found no trace of mockery.

“You know it’s even cuter when you drop the insufferable ass act and become a mumbling blushing mess.” Lapis spoke again with the same slight tease edging her tone as she began dragging Peridot out of the classroom and towards the front of the university where the parking lots were.

“You- I- This is- How- I’m-!” Peridot tried to say something forceful, to talk this woman down, but no matter what she tried to say it always died in her throat her mind still reeling from Lapis’s continued onslaught of Peridot disorienting words.

Since her mind and voice had failed her Peridot settled for silently sputtering and blushing brightly like a neon lamp as she was dragged in and out of different classrooms and buildings by the taller girl.

After just a few minutes the two emerged from the front doors, with Lapis turning to head towards the other three who stood next to a sleek black mustang.

Peridot assumed Lapis must have alerted them to her capture back when she had failed to notice the taller girl sitting next to her in the classroom.

“Hey P-Dot! Why didn’t you answer my texts?” Amethyst shouted as she waved the two over, eyes glinting mischievously once she noticed Lapis pulling the small techie along by her hand.

“It is Peridot, not Peri or P-Dot! Peridot!” Peridot huffed angrily, face still blushing brightly as she now tried to force her hand from the athlete’s much stronger grip.

“Sure sure, whatever you say P-terodactyl! So what took you two so long, you didn’t taint our little nerd’s purity just yet now did you Lappy?” Amethyst questioned, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively at the two.

“What kind of insinuation is that?! You clod! I will have you know-” Peridot began, pointing her index finger from her free hand at Amethyst before being tugged lightly in Lapis’s direction causing her attention to shift to the taller girl.

“You have such adorably fluffy hair, I think it suits you perfectly.” Lapis spoke with that same teasing edge to her voice, but this time it was accompanied by an actual smile. A smile that did horrible things to Peridot’s stomach and heart for reasons unknown to the small engineer.

Peridot could feel her heart thudding uncontrollably in her chest, she could feel the excess blood being created rush directly to her face…she could feel the hollowing cold of fear and anger sink into her stomach…

“Wow that’s impressive Lappy, I didn’t think there was a way to stop little Peri from being a hard ass.” Amethyst laughed, smacking Peridot on the shoulder. “Who knew she was a sucker for compliments.”

It was all a joke…they were toying with her. Just like with everyone else in her life, she was always the butt of everyone’s joke. Let’s wind Peridot up see what she does when she gets really angry! Look at how funny she is when she gets really embarrassed! Well Peridot was fed up with it and she wasn’t going to let these clods make fun of her anymore! Let’s see how long it takes for her to start crying…

“Stop it!” Peridot shouted, venom lacing her voice as she finally ripped her hand out of Lapis’ much to the blunette’s shock. “I’m not your plaything and I won’t stand here and let you mock me any further! I am an honor student with perfect grades and a flawless academic slate! I will not be used for everyone’s amusement any longer!”

Peridot’s words were practically acid as she shouted at the now stunned foursome in front of her. Flames of betrayal and self-hatred danced in her eyes as she clutched her satchel tightly to her chest as if it were the only thing on the planet that wouldn’t hurt her in that moment.

“You are no different from all the other stupid clods I’ve had to deal with all my life, so just leave me ALONE!” Peridot yelled, turning on her heel to run back towards the school only to trip over her own feet and fall face first towards the concrete.

Peridot closed her eyes tightly as she waited for the impact. Lamenting the thought of having to buy new glasses, knowing that this fall was sure to break the ones on her face, more so than the fact she was going to make an even bigger fool out of herself in front of them.

A moment passed and the face crushing impact never came. Peridot hesitantly opened one eye to find herself being lifted back up into a standing position by lithe yet powerful arms.

Lapis had caught her.

Peridot was unsure how the taller girl had been able to move quick enough to catch her, but the fact remained that she currently had a pair of arms that were not her own wrapped around her as she was held in a protective grasp until she was on her feet again.

Turning to apologize for being a burden and to thank Lapis for saving her Peridot was met with gazes of sheepish embarrassment and remorse. That caught Peridot off guard, she had expected them to be laughing or at the very least scornful after she had practically screamed at them for being terrible people.

“I think everyone has gotten off on the wrong foot since earlier today.” Garnet spoke up since everyone else seemed to be frozen in place, unsure of what to say or how to act. “Amethyst is a jokester who likes to mess around and tease people, but she is a loyal friend and never means any harm.”

Amethyst blushed lightly as Garnet placed a hand on her shoulder, before puffing up her chest with pride. “Pearl is the resident mommy of the group and she will find something to nag you about, but she really does care about her friends and she is a super good cook.”

Pearl sputtered, crossing her arms and looking away from Garnet as if to neither confirm nor deny her statement, although the light blush on her cheeks said enough.

“Lapis is the hopeless flirt with cockiness in spades, but a real big softy once you get under her shell.” Lapis smirked, nodding her head with fingers on her chin as if she was hearing this for the first time and yet agreeing with it whole heartedly.

“I’m the mediator of the group as these knuckle heads would bicker to death without me.” Garnet smiled wide, placing her hands on her hips. “A few others we will have to introduce at another time and…a cocky little engineer with a spitfire personality who easily crumbles when given compliments…”

Garnet let her last description hang in the air, an unsaid invitation for Peridot to join their little group. No hard feelings, no mockery and no judgment…just friends trying to incorporate her into the group.

Peridot wanted to believe that this was a trick. That they were messing with her that they just wanted a punching bag around to tease and make fun of, but Garnets words held no ill intent and their expressions seemed desperately hopeful, even Lapis looked at her with an almost pleading expression.

If not to make fun of and push around…why did they want her around?

Peridot suddenly felt the heaviness of the silence, the weight of their stares boring into her as they awaited her response.

“…a cocky engineer who has perfect grades…” Peridot mumbled, a light pink dusting her cheeks as she saw their expressions start to bubble with joy. She was stuck. There was no way she could deny them now, not with how they seemed to be overjoyed with the thought of her accepting their friendship.

It still confused Peridot, but to say she was curious about this little group would have been an understatement.

“Fine! You win alright! I’ll come with you guys for food tonight, but that doesn’t mean we are friends!” Peridot said with a good natured huff, as a small smile tried to make its way onto her lips.

“Yay we got the little nerd! Besties for life!” Amethyst shouted, fist pumping as she darted off to the other side of the car.

“Hey, what did I just say you clod!” Peridot shouted, but failed at keeping the smile out of her voice which caused the others to smile as well.

“I got shot gun!” Amethyst cheered, completely ignoring Peridot as she slipped into the vehicle.

Pearl gaped in disbelief. “You know well and good it’s not your turn Ame!”

“Yeah well I’m too big and since we have to cart P-Dot with us there won’t be room for me in the back!” Amethyst defended as Garnet slid into the driver’s seat.

“You are not ‘too big’! Now get out of that seat!” Pearl said with indignation as she tried to force the smallest girl from where she sat, having little luck.

“Um Lazuli…” Peridot muttered as she turned to address the taller girl while the others were distracted.

“Hmm?” Was hummed in reply, Lapis’ lazy grin drifting from the fight over the front seat to the smaller girl.

“I- Um…thank you.” Peridot said shyly, unsure of if she should address the past seven minutes at all, but felt she should at least thank the athlete for saving her glasses. Even if she failed to address what it was she was actually thanking Lapis for.

“Oh don’t thank me yet, once Pearl gets tired and decides to sit in the back I’m forcing you into the middle spot.” Lapis grinning with mirthful smugness turned from Peridot and strode over to the car, standing by the back door as she waited for the inevitable.

“Maybe I should reconsider this whole ‘friend’ thing after all…” Peridot muttered as she followed Lapis to the car.


	2. Flawed Start Pt. 02

It had been a hard fought war, but in the end Pearl caved. Although, while she decided to let Amethyst have her victory it was going to come with a price and that price was going to be a lecture. Amethyst’s smug grin of victory slowly deteriorated into a grimace as she was now unable to run away from Pearl’s pointed speech.

Peridot merely tuned them out and accepted her own fate by climbing into the back followed shortly by Lapis.

After a moment of deliberation, once they had convinced Pearl to let it go and get into Garnet’s car, Amethyst decided on their go to eatery. A small restaurant that was supposedly famous with the college kids for having really great fries, which didn’t surprise Peridot since the place had the word fries in its name.

The drive to the little beach side restaurant had been pleasant enough, since both Pearl and Lapis were fairly thin Peridot didn’t feel cramped at all in the back with them. She did have to fight off yet another raging blush as Lapis decided to stretch her arm, placing it across the seat behind them, while ‘accidentally’ brushing her fingers across the back of Peridot’s neck.

Although Peridot wouldn’t have put it past Lapis to tease her by doing it purposefully, Garnet did say she was a shameless flirt after all.

It took some doing to find a place to park, it was Friday night after all. The beach front was swamped with young adults looking to let off some steam after a hard week of classes, much to Peridot’s dismay as she hated being in the midst of large groups of people.

Luckily Garnet had a sixth sense when it came to finding parking spots it appeared, because as soon as a spot went unoccupied Garnet was there to claim it as her own as if the guy pulling out had sent her a heads up before leaving.

Amethyst bolted off to grab them a table, with Pearl and Lapis following after her chatting about something that Peridot failed to catch as she was too busy nervously evaluating her surroundings.

Too many drunk _children_ running around for her liking, too many people not paying attention…too many people… Peridot didn’t like this atmosphere one bit quickly feeling the start of a panic attack washing over her. She was just about to climb back into the car and just stay there before she caught Garnets reassuring glance.

“Anxious? Don’t worry, just walk next to me and if anyone comes too close I’ll get you away.” Garnet spoke lightly, a knowing smile on her face. Something about that smile made Peridot unable to argue with the taller girl, like it was somehow against the law to back-talk Garnet when she wore that smile.

Peridot simply nodded, rushing over to walk next to the larger girl as the two crossed the parking lot then the boardwalk and finally into the restaurant. Pearl waved them over once they entered and if Peridot hadn’t known better she would have said something about Lapis’ expression seeming off, almost as if she were glaring at Garnet?

The little techie didn’t have time to dwell on it as she quickly took a seat next to said blunette whose demeanor seemed to lighten as she side eyed Peridot before taking a small sip from her cola.

A waiter came over and quickly got Peridot’s and Garnet’s orders, setting down a small basket of complimentary fries for them to share before making his way back to the kitchen to inform the chef of their decisions.

“Okay now that we have successfully captured P-Dot it’s time to begin the interrogation!” Amethyst said with a large grin, pointing one of the fries dramatically at Peridot, who began fidgeting nervously at the sudden scrutiny.

“Stop that Ame, you are making Peridot uncomfortable!” Pearl scolded, slapping Amethyst’s hand lightly, before turning to address Peridot herself. “So tell us Peridot, what drove you to study at BCU?”

The question had been asked innocently enough, as it was purely a get to know you sort of questing, and yet Peridot couldn’t stop the cold sweat from beading at the back of her neck. They had no idea she was forced to come here or why, so a simple lie would suffice. She should just say it had the best engineering department that was within a reasonable distance from her home.

However, Peridot was nothing if not honest. It had been forced and then reinforced into her psyche from a very young age and even the littlest white lies were near impossible for her to tell. In the end the harmless lie simply got caught in her throat before she could even get one syllable out.

The others took note of her silence and the deep set frown on her face. They waited a minute to give the small techie some time to compose herself, Pearl almost speaking up to revoke her question, before Peridot swallowed down her insecurities and finally answered.

“My mother forced me to come to this school…” It was spoken rather softly and had the restaurant been any busier it might have gone unheard by the others.

Peridot didn’t know what else to say so after giving her answer she went silent again, eyes never leaving the place mat on the table in front of her. Her mind was racing, trying to plan for the onslaught of questions she knew were sure to follow, even going as far as planning how to get back to her dorm on her own once they decided she was too broken and weird to waste any more time with.

“Well it’s good that she did or we never would have gotten a chance to meet and be friends!” Amethyst cheered happily, shooting Peridot a goofy grin when the blondes head snapped up to look at her with surprise. It was a grin which proved infectious as Peridot couldn’t stop herself from returning Amethysts enthusiasm with a small smile of her own.

Regardless of whether Amethyst couldn’t feel the heavy atmosphere Peridot had created or simply chose to ignore it was a pointless line of thought as right after she spoke the pressure was lifted and the jovial atmosphere returned to their table.

“So why did you guys choose BCU?” Peridot asked cautiously, curious to learn more about this strange group she found her self caught up in.

“Well me Pearl and Amethyst have grown up in Beach City so it only seemed natural to go to university here.” Garnet said with a thoughtful tone. Peridot wondered if the tallest girl was having some form of childhood flashback due to the wistful smile that broke out onto her face after she finished speaking.

“Lappy came from Hawaii a few years back! We have been friends since, like, the moment she stepped off the plane. Ain’t that right Lappy?” Amethyst asked happily, shooting the blunette a thumbs up which Lapis quickly returned causing the two to laugh.

Peridot weighed this new information in her mind as she took a steady drink from her tea. This group had been friends for ages and even if Lapis was a late addition she has still been a member of their social circle for a while now.

Would Peridot fit in? Well she already knew the answer to that question was no, but could she fake it long enough to indulge in this feeling of…friendship?

Peridot knew it was greedy of her, but the longer she was around them the happier she began to feel. Their smiles were contagious and they seemed to genuinely want to get to know her, could she fake being someone worth their time long enough to get an idea of what friendship really felt like?

“Don’t over think it Peridot. We might have known each other for a little while longer, but that doesn’t mean you won’t fit right in.” Garnet said with that dangerously supportive smile, reading Peridot’s mind as if she had been speaking her thoughts out loud. “In fact I think you have already clicked into the group rather nicely.”

Peridot wasn’t sure she liked the fact that Garnet could read her like an open book, nor did she care for the fact that now three of the four friends had caused her to blush in the span of a few hours.

“I agree and am exceedingly happy to have another studious and behaved member in the group, as we are now no longer divided down the middle when it comes to midterms and finals.” Pearl said with an overly happy tone before narrowing her eyes at Amethyst, an almost devious smirk resting on her lips.

Peridot was confused by what Pearl meant, but before she could ask for clarification Amethyst groaned loudly and buried her face in her arm dramatically.

Lapis merely snorted beside Peridot before addressing the blonde’s obvious curiosity. “The last time we had a big test Pearl and Amethyst came at odds on how we should go about studying, in the end it was a stalemate since I sided with Amethyst and Garnet sided with Pearl.”

“Yes and due to that we ended up doing what Ame wanted regardless and got poorer scores on the test than we could have! This time however my side has you Peridot so we will be studying and getting good grades finally.” Pearl huffed, placing her hands on her hips in victory.

“I won’t go down that easily! We still have a few weeks, Lappy we need to corrupt our little nerd pronto or we will lose out on so much of our fun time!” Amethyst’s eyes held a passionate blaze as she jumped up and reached across the table and gripped hands with Lapis, who eagerly agreed to Amethyst’s plan. A passionate blaze in her own eyes as well.

Peridot looked at the two with disbelief. Why the two didn’t just put that passion into their studies was beyond her, but she was more preoccupied with how Amethyst had called her ‘their little nerd’ to which Lapis had agreed. That and the fact the two were certain that they could corrupt her…whatever that meant Peridot didn’t know, but she didn’t really want to find out either.

“Wait, we don’t even have a single class which we all share. Why would we hold a study group for big tests if we all have to study different things? If Lazuli and Kar don’t want to pass their classes isn’t that their choice?”

The question seemed to freeze everyone but Garnet, who in turn laughed lightly muttering something about how nice it was to have Peridot around.

“I told you Pearl is the mommy of our group, she simply cannot let it slide that Lapis and Amethyst don’t study seriously and instead goof off and get mediocre or worse grades.” Garnet explained as the two rowdy girls sat back down. “In conjunction these two want Pearl to press them so they don’t drop out and like good little children they will listen to Pearl if she is serious enough.”

“But if we can change her mind or side track her then the school stuff is obviously less important than she was making it out to be, so, yeah!” Amethyst cut in, a light blush on her cheeks at being called a child. Lapis only snorted again, making no attempts to deny what Garnet had said, but did bring a hand to her face as if to try and hide her own light blush.

Peridot was stunned, she had never experienced anything like them before. Not on TV, not in video games and certainly not in real life. She couldn’t help the feeling of happiness that bubbled up in her chest as she watched them interact and before she knew it a small giggle had slipped out of her mouth.

Quickly clearing her throat Peridot tried her best to put on a neutral expression, but found it rather difficult to do as now all four sets of eyes were on her. Each set of eyes accompanied by a rather large grin, that made it seem like their faces were actually glowing despite Peridot knowing that was impossible.

“That was, like, the cutest thing I have ever heard.” Amethyst teased causing Peridot to glare at her with no real weight or anger, only making the shorter girl’s grin grow.

“Shut up, you are all just so ridiculous I couldn’t help but laugh at you!” Peridot said with as cold and mean a tone as she could muster, which managed to come off as a light hearted jab hidden behind an unseen smile as she took another drink of her tea in hopes of cooling her now ever blushing cheeks.

A moment of silence passed over the group before a spark of mischief flashed through Pearl’s eyes.

“Why did the chip forget everything when it got lost in the snow?” Pearl asked suddenly with a small smile, leaving the question in the air just long enough to get the groups attention before giving the answer. “It must have been the cold boots!”

Lapis, Garnet and Amethyst stared at Pearl like she had suddenly lost her mind, but before anyone could speak up and ask what she was talking about another giggle escaped Peridot’s mouth despite her best efforts to keep it in.

“Oh my god Pearl that wasn’t even funny!” Peridot claimed despite a third giggle chasing her claim out of her mouth.

“What do you call it when a whole bunch of chemical engineers change schools? A Mass transfer!” Pearl leaned on the table a little so she could get a better view of Peridot’s reaction to her joke. The taller engineer had stars in her eyes now as she grinned widely, looking at Peridot expectantly.

“Pfft!” Peridot made an indignant noise as she tried to cover her laughing with her drink, trying to look anywhere but in Pearl’s direction.

The other three were floored. Funnily enough it was Pearl who had taken a liking to Peridot first, even though their first few encounters through class projects had been pretty messy. The prima donna had come to respect Peridot’s intellect and work philosophy after the two had settled their differences, but had been unable to become closer to the stand-offish girl outside of tandem class projects.

Amethyst could only assume that if Pearl liked to be around this girl then she would too, so she would visit their classes whenever she was free and they weren’t having a lecture. Even going as far as trying to get close to the little techie herself, never noticing the annoyance it seemingly caused Peridot.

Garnet and Lapis were mostly informed about Peridot second hand, but the one thing they all knew about Peridot was that she didn’t smile. She didn’t laugh even one time at any of Amethyst’s jokes and the stout girl had claimed she must be some form of humorless robot.

And yet here she was, cold and distant Peridot, losing her cool over some corny engineer jokes.

“How do engineer witches manipulate curses? With hex editors!” Pearl threw her hands into the air in victory as Peridot failed to keep her giggling contained any longer and actually laughed openly at her joke. “Finally someone who gets my jokes!”

Peridot quickly wiped stray laughter tears from the corner of her eyes, trying once again to put on a neutral expression. She underestimated how hard it would be to remove the goofy smile on her lips and instead of putting back on a façade of nonchalance she found herself pursing her lips in an attempt to look natural.

This action only caused the smile she was trying to hide to grow, which seemed to quickly infect the others as they were now laughing and smiling as well.

Not mockingly. Not spitefully. True genuine laughter shared between friends and Peridot found herself loving it.

“You tell, the worst jokes Pearl I swear.” Lapis muttered, elbowing Pearl lightly once their rambunctious laughter started to die down.

“I agree, those were just awful.” Peridot commented, smile unchanging on her face as she reached over for the first time that evening to grab a fry. Not even realizing herself how they had just broken down her emotional walls nor how she now felt at ease around them, as if they had always been her friends.

“Says the girl who was practically a fountain of giggles after each one.” Pearl teased light heartedly, smiling happily when she saw Peridot sticking her tongue out at her cheekily before giggling yet again.

It really was amazing how quickly Peridot had opened up to them and for a brief moment they each wondered how long Peridot had been without friends. It was obvious Peridot was having a good time and it only cemented the thought that she must have been so lonely before, no one to laugh and have fun with. Just school work…

Quickly they put it out of their minds. She had them now and they were beyond relieved that it had been so easy to get the shy little loner to open up to them.

“Fountain of giggles? Nah Peri’s laugh sounded more like a cartoon supervillain.” Amethyst teased with a snicker before the gravity of her words hit her like a truck. Pearl and Garnet looked at her with shock and disbelief, while Lapis instead directing a quizzical look towards Peridot.

A heavy silence fell over the table and Pearl was already planning how to pummel Amethyst for ruining all they had done to get Peridot to open up thanks to her stupid and uncalled for jab at something Peridot had no control over.

“Hmm if you mean that it sounds anything like, say, Cobra Commanders laugh then I will take it as a compliment.” Peridot shot back with a small grin. “At least I don’t sound like I’m on the verge of an asthma attack when I laugh.”

Now the groups shock was directed at Peridot. Her cocky grin still plastered to her lips, but her eyes betrayed her confidence and after a moment of silence her grin began to falter. Fearing she overstepped herself in the heat of the moment. Peridot opened her mouth to spew out a string of apologies only to be cut off by Amethysts sudden laughing fit.

“Oh my gosh Peri that was amazing! I don’t remember the last time somebody shut me down with a snap back that spicy, you rule dude!” Amethyst beamed, shooting the girl a thumbs up before the table reverted back to giggling at each other.

Peridot felt a wave of relief wash over her. Not only had these girls shown interest in getting to know her, but they were seemingly okay with her indulging in the light hearted teasing as well. She felt so accepted and wanted in that moment…

“Hey ladies, we couldn’t help but overhear what sounded like an angel’s chorus. I’m simply awestruck to find out it was your lovely voices.”

The attention of the table redirected to this new voice only to find a very stereotypical looking ‘dude bro’ as Amethyst would later refer to him as. He was leaning on the edge of their table, a near shit-eating grin plastered to his face as he waited for the effect of his ‘wooing’ to set in.

The ‘we’ he spoke of was a group of three guys standing a few feet away from their table. Two of them waved while one guy started blowing kisses at them, effectively making Pearl blanch with disgust.

“Sorry there guy, but you’re firing blanks at this range.” Amethyst said with a shrug as she turned back to her drink, trying to hide how amusing she thought this whole situation was.

Lapis on the other hand took a more heavy handed approach… “Piss off bitch boy, you reek of alcohol and your ugly face is upsetting my stomach.”

Peridot was taken aback by the poison that seemed to coat her words, as if she knew this dude and that he was the worst guy on the planet. Peridot found him unpleasant and the way he had tried to pick them up was atrocious, but she wasn’t sure if he was deserving of that level of animosity.

“Oh feisty, I like ‘em hot under the collar, why don’t you give me a chance babe? I can show you things no one has ever had the balls to show you before.”

Peridot grimaced, Lapis was right he did stink of booze and now that he had chosen the blunette as his target of choice he was practically leaning over Peridot in an attempt to get closer to Lapis. Peridot was trying to formulate how she was to voice her discomfort at this new arrangement, when her chair and by virtue her along with it were pulled closer to Lapis who let out an actual growl.

“Why don’t you watch what you’re doing you piece of shit, can’t you see her sitting there? Fuck off.” Lapis snapped angrily, draping her arm around Peridot’s shoulders and holding her close as if to protect her from this guy who obviously held no modicum of attraction for her.

Before the guy could speak up and try once again at getting in Lapis’ pants, if his never changing grin was anything to go by, one of his friends came over and added themselves into the conversation.

“Hey now we mean no harm, we just saw some pretty cute girls and thought we would introduce ourselves. Speaking of which I’m Mike and I just gotta say that your mysterious act has got me all hot and bothered. I would love to get to know you better Miss…?”

The last bit of his little spiel was directed at Garnet, trying and failing to subtly get her name.

However once again it was Lapis who spoke up and Peridot had to wonder how often this happened and if Lapis was designated as the guard dog or if she just took that role due to her apparent dislike of these kinds of guys.

“Hey fuckwad number two she’s not interested, none of us are interested so just scurry on back to the sewer where you came from.” Lapis said slowly, a dark tone lacing her voice while she glared at them with a look that challenged them to say anything else.

“Okay simmer down, I don’t think that just because you don’t like dick and are tapping shorty’s ass doesn’t mean these other three lovely ladies should be forced away from our company. We will take the hint though and if any of you are interested in talking further we will be right over there.”

Peridot was positive she could hear the sizzling of her own cheeks with how hot her blush had gotten. It wasn’t helping to fix the misunderstanding that Lapis simply squeezed Peridot tighter as another growl escaped her lips, nor did it help to cool the blood boiling in the little techie’s face.

“What an ass.” Pearl stated simply, snorting in annoyance as she folded her hands together on the table before glancing behind her at where the group of males now sat.

“When they finally get around to bringing our food out we should tell the staff what happened.” Garnet said with a level tone and while looking the most composed of the group, her voice did hold a slight edge to it as she studied the group from behind her sun glasses.

“Yeah what is taking so long anyway…?” Amethyst muttered darkly, her previous amusement at the situation had been replaced with a now deep rooted annoyance and anger. “Oh my god, they are so fuckin’ gross!”

Peridot had wiggled free from Lapis’ grip and glanced behind her just in time to see one of the guys holding up two fingers, his tongue wiggling between them and while Peridot wasn’t by any means a savant with street slang and the like she most certainly knew what that meant.

The atmosphere was no longer one of silly happiness as it once had been, now it felt very weighted with anger and annoyance and Peridot hated it. She had wanted the rest of the night to continue the way it had been, but now thanks to those stupid drunken buffoons it was ruined…

Peridot was livid.

How dare they ruin this evening for her? Just when she was starting to get a taste of actual friendship…

Now the deepening red of her cheeks could be attributed to the sudden spike in her anger and after a moment of uneasy silence fell over the table, only broken by another disgusted grunt from Amethyst at something the males must have done, Peridot shot up from her seat and marched towards the front.

“Peridot?” Lapis questioned, but the smaller girl didn’t bother giving an answer instead making a beeline right to the front counter.

The little engineer’s sudden slapping of the counter drew the attention of everyone in the restaurant, with Garnet and Amethyst swiveling in their seats to see what it was she was doing. Thanks to Amethyst finding them a table close to the back they couldn’t quite make out what Peridot was saying to the now terrified looking employee, but from her gestures and pointing they could safely guess she was talking about the guys who had hit on them.

Peridot’s cheeks were bright red with anger as she, if her facial expressions were anything to go by, tore into the poor cashier with her words. It only took a moment for the manager to appear and her verbal assault to change targets, much to the poor cashier’s relief.

The others could see a look of annoyance pass over the manager’s face before he began to try and talk the little girl down from her anger high, making motions with his hands that spoke volumes to what he was saying even if they couldn’t hear it.

It was obvious he was trying to tell Peridot that there wasn’t anything he could or would do to help her despite how adamant she was being. As their little talk went on they could see his expression and attitude was quickly becoming more annoyed and they feared they were about to be banned from ever coming back before Peridot pulled something out of her bag and shoved it out in front of her.

The manager looked down at it and slowly began to pale. Peridot on the other hand started getting livelier, shouting loud enough now for the others to hear Peridot’s voice although they were still unable to make out exactly what it was she was saying.

Suddenly the manager was wringing his hands nervously, his expression doing a 180 from annoyed to frightened. The others looked on in shock, wondering just what Peridot had showed him to make him change his tune so drastically.

Peridot stomped her foot angrily and the manger all but ran past them and up to the table of males, shouting at them for causing a scene in his restaurant. Demanding they get out and that they were not allowed back in his establishment again.

Sharing some confused looks they got up and sheepishly made their way towards the door, stopping only once to glare at Amethyst for laughing openly at them. After the offending males had made their exit the manger stepped up to their table and profusely apologized for their orders taking so long and offered them all a free ice cream desert of their choosing.

Making his way back to Peridot, who still stood at the front with her arms crossed, he said something else to her which she responded to with a huff as she began walking back toward their table.

After scooting her chair back over to its original spot and sitting down Peridot glued her gaze to the half empty tea in front of her. She had acted out in anger and now she was about to pay the consequences, her mind going back to her previously thought out plans on how she would get home on her own tonight…

“What was that?” Lapis asked, her tone was short and undefinable from Peridot’s standpoint. It hadn’t sounded like anger or shock, but it certainly wasn’t a happy tone either…it was almost accusatory…

“My mom is one of the four CEO’s of the Diamond Authority and her influence over this whole region is pretty scary. She can destroy just about any business with just a few phone calls and has no problem doing so…all I did was voice my complaints and then when he insisted there was nothing he could do, I showed him that I was the Yellow Diamond’s daughter. I said that she would be upset to hear her daughter was treated in such a manner and nothing was done about it…”

Peridot muttered quietly, feeling herself start to seize up. She had wanted the feeling of friendship to last just a little longer, but now that they knew there was no way they would want to have anything to do with her.

“Peridot Diamond, I had no idea.” Pearl muttered to herself as if she had just discovered something that should have blatantly obvious.

“That’s so freaking cool! It’s like we have a member of the Mafia on our side!” Amethyst cheered with a laugh only to have it get cut off in her throat by the way Peridot’s head snapped up to look at her with confusion and distrust.

“Relax Peridot. So your mother is scary and has a lot of power in the business world, that’s not going to stop us from hanging out with you.” Garnet reassured, patting Peridot’s hands lightly as their waiter arrived with their food, mumbling another apology before rushing back to the kitchen.

Peridot just didn’t know how to deal with all the conflicting emotions this night had made her jump through. Could these four truly not care that her mother was Yellow Diamond? Had she been wrong to fear that this would be the moment they would toss her away?

Her mind was practically swimming in her insecurity and confusion.

“Hey if you aren’t gonna eat that let me have a bite.” Lapis said with a cheeky grin before leaning down and taking a bite out of Peridot’s hamburger before she had a chance to react.

“Hey that’s mine!” Peridot squeaked indignantly as the others laughed at her and Lapis.

Maybe…maybe she didn’t need to think about all this so much. Would it really be that hard to just go with the flow for once?

“That was pretty tasty, here have some of mine.” Lapis said with a smile as she offered her burger to Peridot who blushed brightly, but took a small bite regardless only to have more laughed erupt from the table.

Yeah, going with the flow for now sounded good.


	3. Flawed Start Pt. 03

“We will see you all tomorrow, oh and Peridot don’t forget about our quiz on chapter seven tomorrow in Advanced Computer Hardware.” Pearl said with a motherly sort of smile as she got back into Garnets car, albeit in the front seat this time.

After finally getting their food and spending a couple of hours chatting, deciding to stay longer than they had intended to take the manager up on his offer of free ice-cream, the group decided to head back to the campus before it got any later.

Peridot felt a swell of disappointment in the pit of her stomach, their time hanging out was over and there was a very real possibility that this was the last time any of the other four would have anything to do with her. Amethyst seemed to notice Peridot’s looming melancholy and assured her with a slap on the shoulder that they would definitely come back sometime soon.

While Peridot felt herself feeling better, now that she had a verbal assurance that this wouldn’t be the last time they all hung out, she also felt equally annoyed that not only Garnet but apparently Amethyst could also read her emotions as if they were painted on her face.

“You needn’t worry yourself on my account Pearl, you have enough on your plate in regards to Kar and Lazuli.” Peridot huffed slightly, prickling angrily at the unsaid assumption that she would have perhaps forgotten her studies due to a single night spent out with…friends.

Pearl just continued to smile, deciding not to take the harsh tone Peridot had used to heart. She wasn’t surprised Peridot had tried to take back up her cold and distant personality, after all they were back on campus now and Peridot seemed to have a different mindset here as opposed to the one she adopted at the restaurant.

However, the small flush of the blonde’s cheeks gave away that she was still happy to have someone worry about her.

“Of course not, but with Garnet and I living across town and you only having those two trouble makers nearby… Well, I thought it best to offer a reminder regardless.” Pearl teased, laughing lightly when all three of them flushed although each to a different degree.

The sudden sound of the car’s engine revving up stopped any defense Amethyst or Lapis may have wanted to mutter from ever leaving their mouths.

“Take care, we’ll see you tomorrow.” Garnet called from the driver’s side, giving Pearl an apologetic look as she cut their banter short and began to drive off. She had blocked the drop off zone long enough and if they didn’t get back to their shared apartment soon she would lose out on the front row parking spot that was waiting for her…

A moment of silence passed between the trio before Amethyst twirled a few times and shot the other two a small grin. “Alright ladies I’m heading to the convenience store before I head back to my room, so I’ll see ya’ guys later!” Amethyst waved before darting off towards the small campus store and disappeared inside.

Lapis wondered if she would ever get used to Amethyst’s spontaneous bursts of energy. Looking up at the night sky for a moment Lapis wondered what she should do with the rest of her night, glancing at the smaller girl standing beside her helped make the decision easier.

“Which is your dorm block?” Lapis asked with a bored expression, stretching her arms above her head for a moment before a soft pop came from her lower back accompanied by a small sigh of relief.

“The third one, my room is C-12.” Peridot said stiffly, very much aware that she was now alone with Lapis for the second time that day. A situation that shouldn’t bother her now that they were…friends…and yet her insides felt as if they were suddenly twisted in on themselves. Perhaps something she ate at the restaurant hadn’t sat well on her stomach?

“Cool, mine is on the floor right above yours.” Lapis turned as she spoke, taking a few steps toward the third housing block before looking back at Peridot who seemed rooted to the ground. “You coming Dottie?”

Peridot squeaked a high pitched and nearly indiscernible ‘yes’ before power walking right past Lapis, muttering something about her name not being hard to pronounce and yet no one wanting to use it correctly. Lapis only chuckled as she followed after Peridot, amused smile on her lips.

The two walked in silence until Peridot reached her door, before turning to look at Lapis in confusion when she stopped as well.

“Well it’s still fairly early for what it’s worth and I bet Sadie, my roommate, still has her boy toy over and I really don’t want to walk in on them being gross.” Lapis said with a faux tone of innocence, waving her hand back and forth as if to help Peridot put the pieces of what she wasn’t saying together.

“I believe the library is open for another few hours?” Peridot offered helpfully, before suddenly feeling very small as Lapis began laughing. It was a very pretty laugh in Peridot’s opinion, but that just made it hurt even more when it was directed at her.

“No you nerd I want to hang out with you for a little while longer, we didn’t get to talk much at the fry place thanks to Amethyst being a jabberwocky.” Lapis’ bemused teasing smile was back, but some foreign emotion was shining in the taller girls eyes and for a moment Peridot stood frozen by her gaze.

Peridot found herself lost in those warm brown eyes. The way they seemed to be so alert and yet so relaxed. The way they shone with amusement that seemed to highlight the small gold flecks that dappled her irises. The way they seemed to be getting larger as if they were coming closer to Peridot’s own eyes.

Panic raced through Peridot’s body as she jumped backwards, finding herself flush with her door as she tore her gaze from Lapis’ eyes to the rest of her face. The blunette had a small frown on her lips now and was bent over so far she was nearly eye level with Peridot. Her frown didn’t stay there for long and was quickly replaced with another smirk, this one far more devilish than her last.

“Do I have something on my face?” Lapis asked in an almost purring tone, a tone that caused Peridot’s stomach to flip upside down and backwards.

“N-no it, it’s perfect- your face is perfect- FINE, PERFECTLY FINE!” Peridot stuttered and stumbled over her own voice, much to her horror. She was making such a fool of herself again, what was it about this girl that made her simply fall apart?

“Good, shall we head inside?” Lapis said happily, a large grin on her face now as she grabbed hold of Peridot’s shoulders and spun her around. Not willing to risk Peridot getting distracted again, leaving them stranded in the hallway.

Peridot took the hint and after a moment of fumbling with her keys she opened her door and took a single step inside. Another wave of panic hit Peridot in the stomach like a well-trained fighter and with a single frantic spin Peridot turned to face Lapis once again.

“Actually Lazuli my living quarters is not in an acceptable state to host at this moment so if you don’t mind-” Peridot’s small rant was cut short as Lapis easily slipped past her and into the room. A quiet ‘sorry for intruding’ left Lapis’ lips as she began looking around the room much to Peridot’s embarrassment.

Peridot wasn’t a messy person, but she didn’t waste all her time trying to be immaculate so there always tended to be a few things haphazardly strewn about her room. Her rather large corner desk was covered in her school books and papers. What wasn’t covered in school work was covered in small parts and pieces to various computer and robotics projects Peridot was working on.

A few boxes of spare parts and tools sat underneath her desk, some overflowing slightly to the point where some of their contents were now on her floor. However, the rest of her floor was devoid of mess aside from a few articles of clothing sitting near the edge of her bed. Her bed itself was a well contained mess as Peridot had the philosophy that there was no point in making it every morning to just sleep in it again that night.

Much to Lapis’ surprise a small bathroom was present where the second bed should be and from what she could see through the open door it was pretty good sized all things considered.

Sensing the taller girls surprise and knowing the question would come up eventually Peridot spoke up with a small stutter in her voice. “My mother had the room specially fitted for me b-because she…” Peridot trailed off, eyes going to her floor unable to share why her mother had gotten the university to make a special room specifically for her.

“No roommate? You lucky ass, I’m so going to come use your shower from now on instead of the public one.” Lapis hummed contently as she flopped down onto Peridot’s bed, eyes drifting over the posters the little techie had hanging on her walls.

“That should be acceptable.” Peridot mumbled as she stepped further into her room, fairly certain Lapis would show up anyway even if she had said no. Making a mental note to move all of her ‘enhancer’ parts before anyone else used her bathroom…

Unsure of what to do or say Peridot simply stood where she was, worrying her fingers together as she tried to think of a topic that Lapis would enjoy discussing. This train of thought only reaffirmed to Peridot that she knew next to nothing about her blue haired…friend. Her hobbies, the things she liked and the things she did not…it was all a mystery to Peridot.

She wanted to kick herself, how could she even think about being friends with Lapis if she knew nothing about her?

“Don’t blow a fuse Dot, I haven’t read through your instruction manual yet.” Lapis teased, pulling Peridot from her thoughts as she grabbed the smaller girls arm and yanked her over and onto the bed so they were sitting next to each other.

Peridot’s face flushed a deep red for what felt like the thousandth time that day. Lapis seemed to enjoy the fact that she was so easy to embarrass because she let out a soft melodic laugh as she leaned back onto her elbows.

“So Miss Diamond what do you do for fun?” Lapis asked with a grin as she looked up at Peridot from where she lay, only causing Peridot to blush darker. Peridot wasn’t sure what was worse for her heart, looking up into those stunning brown eyes or looking down into them.

“I tend to focus much of my time to my studies. I’m a dual major and have a few more classes than your average student.” Peridot said with a bit of pride seeping into her voice. After all she was taking the maximum number of classes one was allowed to take in a single term and was still acing every one so why shouldn’t she be proud of it?

“Oh my god…you are a bigger nerd then I thought!” Lapis said with a gasp, her voice laced with false horror as a cheeky smile gave away her teasing.

“Bigger than your ego even!” Peridot ribbed back, throwing her hands in the air as if to show Lapis just how big she thought the taller girl’s ego was.

Lapis gasped as she grabbed Peridot from behind and began tickling her sides, eliciting high-pitched shrieks of laughter to burst out of her mouth. “I have a big ego huh? Is that what you think?” Lapis questioned in mock anger as she flipped them both onto the bed fully, using her weight to pin Peridot down to prevent her from escaping her punishment.

“I’m sorry! I lied you have a tiny ego! Please!” Peridot begged as uncontrollable laughter racked her body, her desperate wiggling proving no use against the athlete’s hold.

“Oh so now you insult my ego by calling it tiny? You must have a death wish Miss Peridot Diamond, any last words?” Lapis spoke, her own laughter breaking up her words now as she stared down at her pray with a look that Peridot would have feared had the little engineers eyes not been clouded with tears of laughter.

“Please Lapis! Go easy on me!” Peridot begged, spasming and jerking against her will as Lapis’ delicate fingers dug into the most sensitive spots on her sides. Rather suddenly it stopped and Peridot was finally able to regulate her breathing.

Peridot’s eyes cleared of her tears and she saw Lapis looking down at her with a look that she could only describe as predatory. Peridot went to move and found herself still pinned underneath Lapis, the blunette’s hands still firmly holding her sides. Before Peridot had enough time to really think about what was going on or ask Lapis to let her go the taller girl slowly leaned in.

Peridot felt like her heart was going to stop. Why was Lapis’ face so close and getting even closer? What was happening was she about to… Peridot’s eyes shut tight and her mind went blank, a moment passed before she felt Lapis’ breath on her ear.

“No. Mercy.”

Peridot’s eyes shot open as her sides were assaulted with new vigor, screams of laughter ripping through her throat as she squirmed and wiggled in desperation. Lapis’ own laughter added to the sound and for a moment nothing existed in the world except for them.

Lapis decided Peridot had been punished enough and with one last soft squeeze she released her grip on the smaller girl. Peridot took her chance and immediately darted to the other side of the room. She was panting and out of breath, cheeks flushed from over-stimulation as she glared at Lapis with no real weight since a smile still ghosted on her features.

“You are just the cutest thing.” Lapis laughed happily as she relaxed back onto Peridot’s bed, smiling contently at the flushed girl sputtering denials as she tried to regain full control of her respiratory functions.

The two fell into a comfortable silence, Peridot trying to steady her breathing while Lapis idly pulled out her phone and began flipping through her notifications. After a few moments Peridot sat in her desk chair and smoothed out her pants before clearing her throat to gain the other girl’s attention.

“What are your favorite colors Lazuli?” Peridot asked awkwardly, not sure how she should go about starting a conversation after what had just happened. Her mind still racing with confusing and embarrassing thoughts about what she was expecting when Lapis had her pinned, nothing like that had ever happened to Peridot before...

If Lapis had picked up on her awkwardness she didn’t comment on it.

“Blue and yellow, what about you?” Lapis asked, returning Peridot’s question to her as she slipped her phone back into her pocket. It made the engineer’s stomach flip again for some reason, just the thought of Lapis caring enough about this silly conversation that she would put her phone away…

“Blue and b-brown actually.” Peridot’s own answer confused her, weren’t her favorite colors green and white? When did they become blue and brown…?

“Okay my turn to ask a question, why do you have a green Canadian flag? Are you part Canadian or something?” Lapis asked as she gestured to the cloth flag Peridot had hanging over her bed.

Peridot could feel the color draining from her face by the second. This would be the end, as soon as Lapis knew she absolutely _adored_ Camp Pining Hearts their friendship would be over. With the news most certainly traveling to Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl she wouldn’t even be able to have them…oh stars she wouldn’t be able to face Pearl in class anymore!

“Camp Pining Hearts huh?” Lapis said with a small snort as she flipped through pictures and blogs about the show on her phone, leaving Peridot to wonder how long she had been inside her thoughts this time.

“It is a Canadian teen drama that I…I really, really like…” Peridot muttered the last part softly, bringing her hand to rub at her arm awkwardly as she waited for Lapis to laugh at her. She was used to people making fun of her for her love of the show and now wouldn’t be any different, she would just grit her teeth and let it happen like she always did.

“Oh really? If it is good enough to tear you away from your homework it must be something special yeah?” Lapis asked with a sincere smile as she sat up on the edge of the bed and awaited the explanation she knew was inevitably going to spill from the blonde’s mouth.

She had heard from Pearl that Peridot could get very excitable when she talked about things she was passionate about and Lapis somehow knew Camp Pining Hearts was going to be one of those things.

Lapis could see a moment of hesitation flash through the blonde’s eyes before she exploded into a nerd rant about the show. The characters were so believable and the setting was easy to invest in, stuff about plot and romance. To be honest Lapis wasn’t listening to a word the smaller girl was saying and instead focused on how passionately she spoke.

Peridot didn’t use hand gestures when she normally spoke, keeping her hands at her sides or gripping her ever present satchel strap, but here it seemed like she couldn’t keep them under control. Wild gestures were accompanied by expressions Lapis never thought she would see the smaller girl make and the way she paced lightly in place just added to the whole scene in the best way.

Lapis felt like she could watch her go on and on about her show all night, but there was still so much she wanted to hear about the smaller girl she knew she would have to derail her little rant despite how cute Lapis found her in that moment.

“Okay, okay calm down there Peri instead of all that why don’t we just watch the show together sometime?” Lapis suggested with a laugh as Peridot made an indignant face. Lapis wondered if she had interrupted some ‘important’ monologue or something.

Peridot’s face slowly changed from indignant to shocked and then to suspicious. “You, want to watch it with me?”

Lapis felt a pang of hurt flash through her heart at the way Peridot’s voice sounded, so hopeful and yet so full of resigned dejection. Lapis wondered how many times someone had offered to experience the show with her, only to crush her hopes in their hand. It made Lapis mad just thinking about, how dare anyone hurt this adorable little cinnamon roll.

Now wasn’t the time to dwell on those thoughts so with a breath Lapis pushed them from her mind.

“Well yeah, if it can get a reaction like that out of you I just have to see it.” Lapis reassured her with a smile. “I can think of no better way to experience it either than to have you right there explaining everything to me in _great_ detail.”

Lapis chuckled, feeling a sense of purpose bubble up in her stomach as the blondes eyes lit up with happiness at the thought of finally getting to share one of her passions with someone. Peridot muttered something under her breath before planning how the two would go about enjoying the series, down to what snacks they should get for which seasons.

Peridot glanced up briefly to find Lapis staring at her with a smile, nodding along with her plans. A fiery blush engulfed Peridot’s face as she realized she had been making plans for the two of them _out loud_ with Lapis no more than three feet away from her.

Clearing her throat again, and trying her hardest to force down the color in her cheeks, Peridot spoke up to take her turn asking a question. Hoping to distract Lapis from the fact that she had just stupidly rambled on for nearly ten minutes under her breath about how the two would hang out at a later date without even asking for her input. “We will have to make plans if you really do want to watch it with me…f-for now though, what do you like to do for fun?”

Lapis hummed and placed a finger on her lips. “Well, my favorite thing is probably swimming. I’m on the swim team and the dive team, although my coaches are gonna make me choose one or the other soon since I can’t get to the Olympics doing both.”

“You are planning on going to the Olympics!?” Peridot blurted out, previous embarrassment suddenly forgotten, as she stared at Lapis with stars shining in her eyes. It was easy to see how impressed the smaller girl was as she regarded Lapis with a look that made Lapis’ heart flutter, as if Lapis had just taken a gold medal right in front of the little engineer.

Lapis laughed happily, unable to hide her smile nor the light dusting of pink that now settled on her cheeks. “Yeah, but I still have a ways to go. Which do you think I should choose Peri? Swimming or Diving?”

Peridot frowned slightly as she considered the question. “I don’t really know anything about either, but my initial suggestion would be swimming. Diving looks like you could get h-hurt you know?” Peridot’s blush came back as she tried to inconspicuously hide her cheeks behind her hand as she looked away from the taller girl.

Lapis’ heart fluttered again and she couldn’t help the soft expression that crept over her features, reaching over slowly she took one of Peridot’s hands in her own and after a moment of hesitation Peridot turned her head and froze as their eyes locked onto each other.

“I think I’ll go with swimming then. I don’t want any of my friends to worry about me, no matter how little they think they know or not.” Lapis squeezed Peridot’s hand lightly before pulling back, keeping her eyes locked onto Peridot’s for a moment longer. “Other than swimming I like to paint and craft, you know create stuff.”

Peridot nodded slowly, only half hearing what Lapis was saying as most of her mind was preoccupied with the complete disarray it had been thrown into by the blunette’s actions.

Why did that keep happening? Why did the blunette feel the need to keep touching her? Why did Peridot feel like she was on fire when Lapis did touch her? Why did Peridot want it to continue? How was it possible for her to feel afraid and yet unexplainably happy all at the same time?

“Okay, my next question is gonna make me sound like a creeper…” Lapis said with a wry smile as she shifted her legs nervously underneath her on Peridot’s bed.

Why did Peridot feel a sense of pride seeing the blunette lounging on her bed? Peridot simply didn’t have answers and it was starting to make not just her head, but her heart hurt for some reason.

“…but I saw you had a number in your contacts labeled as ‘Gamestore’ and was curious if you played video games?” Lapis motioned around Peridot’s room for a moment before continuing. “I don’t see a TV or console so I thought maybe to play primarily on your PC?”

Peridot tried her best to suppress her raging thoughts and unknown feelings, now wasn’t the time to have an existential crisis. She had wanted to hang out in her own room with a friend for as long as she could remember and was not going to let her overly complicated inner turmoil ruin this for her.

“Actually I don’t have a lot of time to play games, I do have a DS though that I play a bunch on.” Peridot said as she stood up and walked over to a little night stand next to her bed on the opposite end from where Lapis sat. “I actually play a game called Nintendogs and it’s a lot of fun I really-” Peridot cut herself off, freezing where she stood.

Looking down at the newly retrieved device she had just opened her mind played back how she had acted when Lapis asked her about Camp Pining Hearts. Grimacing at how childish she was Peridot slowly closed the DS before laughing lightly, hoping to play the whole DS situation off as a joke.

“Actually, it’s pretty stupid so I won’t bore you with it.” Peridot turned to put the small gaming system back, only to be stopped by slender yet strong fingers wrapping around her wrist.

“Hey, don’t say that! I don’t really game myself, but Amethyst does and she tells me all about different games and stuff. I’ve always been a bit curious about Nintendogs, show me what it’s like?” Lapis spoke with a smile as she gently pulled Peridot away from the nightstand and down onto the bed so they were once again seated side by side.

Lapis had felt that hurt flash through her again when she watched Peridot’s excited expression fall to an expression of self-loathing. Out of all the expressions she had seen cross the engineers face that was the one she hated the most.

“Yeah? Okay I can explain the basics and then show you my dogs!” Peridot’s face immediately lit up as she powered on the machine, launching into a nerd rant about the DS and her game.

Lapis smiled as she mostly tuned out what the blonde was saying, she hadn’t ever heard of Nintendogs and hadn’t had any interest in learning about it, but she found herself completely enthralled with watching Peridot talk.

The way her eyes lit up with joy as she talked, her head tilting back and forth as if she were bobbing along with a song and not talking about how to feed virtual pets. The way her legs bounced up and down now that she was sitting rather than standing and the way her fingers tapped at the back of the DS when they weren’t in use.

The way her body swayed back and forth, bumping their shoulders together lightly every few seconds, was enough to send Lapis over the moon. Lapis found herself wanting to wrap her arms around the smaller girl and pull her into her lap and hold her close while she played.

A flashing red light broke Lapis out of her revere, her arms dangerously close to Peridot’s waist.

“Ah I’m sorry Lapis I didn’t know it was running low on charge.” Peridot said with an apologetic tone and she scampered off the bed to find her charger. Lapis bit the inside of her cheek, annoyed that she had to stop admiring the smaller girl so suddenly and felt herself willing the DS to stop flashing red so Peridot would go back to sitting beside her being cute again.

“No it’s fine, it just means I need to come back so you can refresh my memory and finish telling me about the game.” Lapis said with a slightly forced smile as she tried to bite down her annoyance at the DS for dying before Peridot turned back around.

“Yes I would be happy to show you more anytime, um Lapis do you have any homework you need to do before tomorrow?” Peridot asked nervously, having found her charger on her desk and catching sight of all the things she still needed to study for the night.

Lapis seemed to catch on to what Peridot was hinting at and while she wanted to stay and chat a little while longer she knew better than to stay too late, having a feeling that Peridot would neglect sleep for her studies.

“Nah I’m all caught up, but I should probably check and see if Sadie has done hers yet.” Lapis said with a laugh as she stood. “Last thing I need is her whining about failing a test or something all week.”

“Yes I can see where that would be frustrating. I am happy that you decided to come in and hang out, I had fun.” Peridot said with a shy smile, blush lighting up her cheeks although this one wasn’t the fiery red that Lapis was used to seeing, instead it was a soft pink that crept around her face and up to the tips of her ears.

Lapis felt a blush start to bloom on her own cheeks. “I had fun too, I really enjoy your company.” If Lapis hadn’t been staring at her unblinkingly she might not have believed her eyes when Peridot practically melted under the compliment.

Peridot’s cheeks began heating up to a familiar red as she brought her hands to her face as if to hide the goofy smile that broke free onto her face, turning slightly as if to hide from Lapis.

Everything in Lapis screamed to snatch up this girl and never let her go, but somehow she managed to hold herself back. Taking in Peridot’s reaction a moment longer before deciding to give the little techie an out.

“So you will definitely be seeing more of me here, if nothing else to capitalize on my friend having her own shower.” Lapis spoke with a laugh as she turned her face away from the smaller girl to glance at the bathroom again, so Peridot could have a moment to compose herself.

“Of course, feel free to come anytime.” Peridot cheered to herself when she was able to speak with a level tone and no stutter, a well-practiced look of composure washing over her face despite how red it was.

“Thanks, I’ll see you tomorrow Peridot.” Lapis said, giving a small wave as she made her way out of the room.

“Yeah, see you…” Peridot trailed off as Lapis closed the door behind her with a soft click. Taking a deep breath Peridot found herself smiling, maybe she really could have friends for once.

Turning to head to her desk to get started on her homework for the morning Peridot slipped on one of her pillows that had seemingly been thrown off her bed earlier that evening.

Unable to catch herself Peridot fell hard to the floor, hearing a loud snap come from one of her legs. Suddenly her mind went into a dizzying panic, all her suppressed thoughts and feelings surfacing at once now that Lapis was gone. Her mind was a hysteric mess and she found it hard to breathe as she curled in on herself, one of her legs limply dragging along the floor.

Hot tears burning down her cheeks as her heart hammered in her chest. Peridot’s emotions overloading her to the point where all she could do was lay on her floor and sob, a single voice that had been whispering at the back of her mind all night finally screaming loud and clear through her jumbled mess of thoughts and feelings.

“You are broken. You are worthless. You are not worth their time. They will be disgusted. They will hate you. They will throw you away. She will throw you away. SHE WILL NEVER ACCEPT YOU!”

She was so confused…all Peridot could do was cry…

…

_“Please Lapis! Go easy on me!”_

The image of Peridot squirming beneath her, laughing and smiling was burned into her mind. For the first time in months Lapis didn’t cry herself to sleep.

“She called me Lapis!” Lapis smiled to herself as she finally drifted off, thoughts of the cute little nerd never leaving her mind.


	4. Flawed Start Pt. 04

The soft pitter patter of water colliding with skin.

It was a mellow and soothing sound. A rhythmic hum that never raised or lowered in volume, like a rush of static…a white noise that demanded complete focus and offered unending distraction. Drowning out everything into a shapeless haze of silence and tranquility.

Peridot loved her morning shower.

The way the warm water struck her back, as if it were giving her a gentle massage. The way it cascaded down her body and filled her with warmth. The way it allowed her to simply exist, to push her thoughts and feelings from her mind…to focus on nothing, no pressing concerns and no emotional distress.

Nothing. Just the soft sound of water hitting her shoulders.

However, there was always something to bring her back to reality and a small pang of pain shot through her eyes causing them to snap shut. Peridot slowly brought the palms of her hands to her face, gently rubbing at her stressed muscles in a futile attempt to remove the weariness that she knew hung on her face.

A small sigh escaped her lips, her thoughts beginning to take root in her mind once again and as much as she may have wanted to just stay in the shower all day she knew her academic prowess wouldn’t allow her to. She would end up rushing through her preparations last minute and run down to her classes, she knew it would happen because it had happened before.

Peridot absolutely hated running, it was challenging and uncomfortable for her, so she swore she would never put herself in that position again.

Another sigh interrupted the sound of the rushing water and with a small twist of the knob Peridot was left in silence. Quickly grabbing the towel that she had hung over the shower curtains, she began to roughly dry herself off in an attempt to distract herself just a little while longer from her own thoughts.

Peridot hated her morning shower.

The way she had such a difficult time trying to get herself clean. The way she had to struggle with the fluffy piece of cloth just to fully dry herself. The way it forced her to face the undeniable fact that she could never go back…that she would never be…

A choked sob slipped through Peridot’s lips as she buried her head in the towel and forcefully scrubbed her hair dry, almost to the point of it being painful.

She couldn’t escape from the truth. She couldn’t run from it and she couldn’t hide from it, once the soothing sounds of the water were gone her mind was assaulted with all the thoughts and feelings she had managed to suppress.

Sometimes those thoughts were just too much for her to bare and she would end up spending hours crying after her shower…

Peridot guessed she was ‘lucky’ that she had spent all her tears the night before, because despite her body desperately trying to once again sob and cry her cheeks stayed dry. At least she wouldn’t have to worry about showing up to her classes with glassy eyes and tear stained cheeks again.

Done with her towel Peridot tossed it over onto the nearby toilet and turned to retrieve a water proof plastic bag hanging from a small suction cup hook just above the shower control knob. After pulling out her required sleeves she sealed the bag and tossed it onto the towel as well, remembering that she needed to find a place to hide them.

Rolling the sleeves over the stumps that remained of her legs, being forced to look at the scarred flesh every single day, was what Peridot hated most about her morning shower. A grimace found its way onto her face as she began unrolling one of the sleeves up her left leg. Peridot could remember the first few times she had been forced to do this by herself, how she had sobbed and clawed at her stumps in a vain attempt to make her legs grow back…

Even now, sometimes she still tried…

The stump of her left leg was pretty small all things considered as it was amputated fairly close to her knee, but there had been enough usable tissue to make keeping her knee worth it. Her right leg on the other hand had been a bit worse off and had to be amputated just above the joint.

Her mother had been furious and demanded that she be fitted with the highest end prosthetic so as to simulate her having normal joint use.

_“How is she supposed to get to and from her classes or maneuver around an office? Fix her this instant, I do not care what it costs!”_

Peridot could only laugh darkly at the memory. That had been the most concerned her mother had ever been for her and true to her word she spared no expense in getting Peridot a high end prosthetic with an electric knee for her right…leg…or what was left of it.

Which is why Peridot had dreaded calling her mother last night after realizing that the snap she had heard in her leg was something in her specialized knee joint. Peridot was grateful for the relatively short lecture from her mother, most likely due to it being so late when Peridot was able to actually think clearly enough to call her mother, and a promise that she would have it fixed as soon as she could.

For now Peridot was stuck with a more ‘normal’ polycentric knee style prosthetic and while she had used it a few times before, when something happened with her electric version, she had never fully learned how to walk in it without a slight limp.

Not like anyone really noticed anyway.

A defeated sigh escaped her lips once again as she stood and locked her ‘limb enhancers’ into place, smiling sadly at the name her younger self had called them to try and make herself feel better. To that day Peridot still had to catch herself from calling her prosthetics limb enhancers when she needed to explain her reasons for reduced mobility.

Finally making her way out of her bathroom Peridot glanced over at the clock to see it was already a little after seven in the morning. Frowning and berating herself for showering so long, having gotten in at around five fifty. She set about getting clothes for the day before she got down to double checking her school work to make sure she had done everything correctly.

After all she did try to work on the assignments right after her mental breakdown so there was a chance in her disheveled emotional state she answered something wrong or not in its entirety.

Swiftly donning a pair of plain white cotton panties and matching bra Peridot made her way over to her closet to pull a pair of forest green cargo pants from the mass of clothes followed by a plain black tee shirt and a black and white flannel to wear over it.

Peridot decided she would forgo sticking things into her already irritated eyes, rubbing at them slightly once again, and instead pulled her glasses out of her nightstand. Custom made, thick lime green plastic frames accented by little alien heads at the ends slid onto her nose.

Feeling a bit more alive now Peridot slipped on a pair of black socks and then a pair of black and grey tennis shoes, fully hiding her limb enhancers from view and letting a fleeting sense of ease flow back into her stomach. She hated looking at them and if she couldn’t see them she could at least pretend she was normal again…

Making her way to her desk she grabbed her satchel and began placing what she would need for the day inside it, checking her school work over before adding it to her things. Satisfied with her answers and what books she had for the day, she only had a few classes on Saturday after all, she closed her satchel and sat it gently on the floor.

Looking over at the clock again Peridot found she still had some time before her first class started. If she left now she ran the risk of getting there before most of her peers or even the teacher, which meant she might have to engage in polite social discourse…something she was very adverse to do.

After a moment Peridot decided she would simply wait a little while longer in her room and then journey towards her class at a leisurely pace. This proved to be a poor plan on her part however, because as soon as she relaxed back into her chair in the quiet of her room her mind began to race with all the thoughts and feelings she had been trying so hard to ignore as she got ready for her classes.

The fact she had lied to the four of them was a big focal point of her thoughts from the previous night and into that morning. They thought she was normal, a little weird and socially awkward perhaps, but normal and she had simply allowed them think that instead of correcting them. Instead of telling them how broken she was she lied just so she could have a taste of friendship for once.

Peridot didn’t deserve friendship. Friends don’t lie to each other and they don’t pretend to be something they’re not…like worthwhile people who aren’t so hopeless…

Manipulative, that’s what she had been. She had played on their sympathies in hopes they wouldn’t push her away, but who did she think she was in the first place? Hadn’t she been told time and time again she wasn’t like most people and she didn’t deserve the same things that others got to have?

Maybe that was in her head…she didn’t know anymore, the voices in her mind swirled together so much she could never tell if what she was hearing were her own thoughts or a memory of her time spent back in her home town.

Regardless, she had forgotten her place and thought so arrogantly of herself that she could lie and cheat with no consequences. Now she remembered and it scared her what they might do once they find out…

A soft sob broke the silence of the room and Peridot felt herself trying to cry again. If she had known she would hurt this bad just from _trying_ to have friends she never would have bothered. The thought of those four hating her, hurting her, was more painful then all those years in middle and high school had been.

The sneers…the mocking, all the times she had been shoved into lockers and closets. Those moments when she had been tied up and left in the equipment room, or thrown in the cafeteria trash…none of those memories compared to the thought of being yelled at by Garnet.

Being shoved around by Amethyst.

Harassed and mocked by Pearl.

…and Lapis.

“No stop! I can’t do this right now!” Peridot shouted at no one and everyone as she jumped from her chair and roughly wiped at her eyes, feeling as if small tears were beginning to leak down her face despite no moisture actually being present.

From day one no one had cared about her. Not in middle school and certainly not in high school, no one ever tried to get to know her. As soon as it was announced that she was the ‘Yellow Diamonds’ daughter her fate was sealed.

Never once did anyone even pretend to care about her thoughts and opinions…but those four had…

“I’m such a stupid clod…” Peridot sniffled, as she tried to swallow down the anguish that had pooled in her throat. Wiping at her eyes one last time Peridot quickly snatched up her bag and slipped into the hall, taking off toward her first class.

Peridot felt awful, like she was going to vomit at any second, but she trudged forward. Trying to keep her mental anguish from seeping onto her face. She needed to stop thinking, she knew she had to come up with some sort of plan to tackle the mess she had made, but she couldn’t do that now…she had to focus on her classes…

‘Luckily’ for her she was just as invisible as she always was. No one stopped to ask if she was okay or why she had been crying, never asking if she needed help getting to the medical office due to her limp.

She just ghosted by the masses…she was used to it.

She made it to her first class without incident and fortunately there were enough people in the classroom to hold a conversation on their own, leaving Peridot to silently make her way to the back to await the start of the lecture.

Peridot had thought that her stomach would settle once she sat down, but it seemed to only make the uneasy feeling stronger. Her head hurt, her stomach hurt and even her teeth felt overly sensitive for some reason. She knew she must look awful and actually kicked herself for not wearing a hoodie so she could hide her face.

Her first class went fairly well all things considered. Peridot had at least been able to somewhat focus on what her teacher was saying and she even subconsciously took notes of what he wrote on the white board. It was during her second class that she fell apart. The teacher decided to show some videos and had shut the lights off, that mixed with the low volume on the projector left Peridot in near silence with nothing to focus on but the parade of self-destructive thoughts that had consumed her mind for the past several hours.

It took every ounce of willpower the small girl had to not audibly sob on multiple occasions throughout the class.

Once the lights had come back on and the class was dismissed for the day Peridot took off quickly out of the room. Deciding to power-walk around the campus with the hope of clearing the fog of emotions and self-hatred from her mind.

Ignoring the growing pain in her legs and the unease she felt in her stomach Peridot marched in circles around the campus right up until she had just a few minutes to make it to her next class on time. She purposefully slid into the classroom a minute before its official start time and quickly made her way to the first open seat she saw that was the furthest away from where she knew Pearl normally sat.

Said girl smiled brightly at Peridot as she slid into the room, raising her hand slightly as if to wave at the smaller engineer, although this action faltered once her vision focused on the smaller girls face. Peridot snapped her eyes to her feet and swiftly made her way to her seat. Noticing from the corner of her eye that Pearl had begun to stand, but the sudden appearance of the teacher forced her to ease back into her chair.

Peridot couldn’t bring herself to look back at the taller girl, fearing she would let something slip with her eyes or expression.

The feeling of nausea returned with new force after having seen Pearl give her such a friendly look and it took all her concentration to not get sick all over the desk in front of her. Peridot heard nothing the teacher said, not even reacting when the classmate beside her offered her a quiz sheet... Instead her entire focus was on not getting sick in class and how awful she felt about what she had done to Pearl.

Pearl had such a pretty smile…and she had wasted in on something like Peridot.

“Peridot.”

The gentle voice tore Peridot out of her trance and it took every fiber in her being to not jump at the sudden sound. When had class ended? Peridot had intended to rush out of there as soon as the teacher let them go, she needed to rush out of there right now…to get away…instead, slowly she allowed her tired eyes to drift upwards until they met with the soft blue eyes of Pearl White.

“Pearl.” Peridot mumbled, wincing slightly at the familiarity with which she addressed the taller girl. She knew better, she didn’t deserve to be so casual with the taller engineer.

“Are you feeling okay?” Pearl’s tone was quiet as she softly placed the back of her hand to Peridot’s forehead. A little surprised when the smaller girl didn’t jump away as she had expected, declaring she was fine and that Pearl’s worries were unwarranted.

It scared Pearl to no end.

“I’m fine Pearl, I need to get to my next class…please excuse my rudeness.” Peridot mumbled a second time before slowly rising from her seat, slinging her bag over her shoulder and then quickly making her way out of the room. Never sparing a second glance to Pearl, who had pulled out her phone and was frantically mashing onto it.

Peridot felt horrible. How could she let Pearl worry about her? First the smile, now this? Pearl would despise her even more once she knew. Having wasted her energy worrying about something so worthless. Why couldn’t she just act like she normally did? Peridot had pulled all-nighters before, maybe not as mentally taxing, but all-nighters nonetheless. Why did she have to feel so exhausted today? Why did she have to show it to the one person she needed to hide it from that day?

At least that was the only class she had with Pearl on Saturdays…but what good was it? She couldn’t bring herself to tell Pearl the truth and the more time she wasted the more likely Pearl was to…no she couldn’t think like that, Pearl was sweet and kind, she would never…

That train of thought was only making Peridot’s stomach feel even worse, for now she decided to simply avoid them. At least that way when they did find out they wouldn’t be able to say Peridot had wasted _all_ of their time.

She needed to escape and clear her head, she suddenly felt like she was suffocating.

After blindly stumbling through the halls and finally out onto the university lawn Peridot found herself once again sitting at her secluded picnic table. The cool metal of the table, the soft warm breeze, the way the sun filtered through the leaves of the nearby trees…it was soothing. Peridot took a deep breath, feeling her heart rate slow as her storm of thoughts and insecurities began to subside.

Resting her arms on the table and then placing her head on those arms, Peridot found herself slowly relaxing more and more with each deep breath she took. Finally thinking semi clearly, Peridot knew it would be hard to avoid them now that they had the false impression that she was their friend. Especially since Peridot had offered her bathroom to Lapis the night before.

Garnet would be easy enough to avoid as the two shared no classes, added to the fact that Garnet lived off campus. All Peridot had to do was avoid group settings and avoiding Garnet should be relatively easy.

Amethyst would be harder to slip around. While they shared no classes, she was often with Pearl who Peridot did have classes with so there was the chance of the two meeting after a class or during a lab day. Thinking logically though, if she could avoid Pearl then it would be relatively simple to avoid Amethyst.

Pearl shared three of Peridot’s seven classes and while it was unreasonable to try and avoid the ballerina entirely Peridot felt she could at least work out a way to remove direct confrontation with her. She knew Pearl’s preferred class seating, her routine in class and from which wing she arrived from in each period. All Peridot would need to do would be to plan accordingly, leave through exits Pearl didn’t use and such.

Lapis would be the trickiest to deal with. Even if she wasn’t a very clean person, which she doubted was true, Peridot should still expect at least four visits to her room a week if the blunette was serious about not using the public shower room anymore. That wouldn’t be too much of a problem because Lapis would be using her and therefore it wouldn’t be seen as Peridot wasting Lapis’ time.

At least she hoped that’s how the swimmer would look at it.

The main issue was what Lapis would do after using her shower. Peridot’s best case scenario would be her simply leaving, but she doubted that would be the case as Lapis probably still looked at her as something worthy of friendship. Peridot would need to come up with ways to get the taller girl to leave without being too telling or abrasive.

Peridot knew she should just be honest with them and accept whatever the outcome was, whatever punishment she would get for deceiving them…but she was just too scared to do it. Her mental turmoil was fitting for such a worthless little coward, but she couldn’t deny that somewhere deep in her heart she wished they would never find out and still think of her as friend material.

“Think she’s asleep?” Amethyst’s voice cut through Peridot’s reflecting and she bristled slightly at the sudden sound, having forgotten that they knew of her ‘secret’ picnic table.

“Sorry for scaring you Peridot, we didn’t want to make too much noise in case you were asleep.” A small shifting of the table and the sudden closeness of Garnet’s voice told Peridot that the tallest girl had sat down beside her.

Peridot began to panic. What should she do? Should she run? No, they would be faster. Chasing her down had always been a particular point of amusement to many since she couldn’t run very fast. Like a gimpy fox hunt someone had once claimed.

Should she pretend to be asleep? Garnet seemed to think she was awake, but maybe she could convince them otherwise? No, she knew better than that too. Besides some of her most hated memories had come about due to her sleeping in front of others and she wasn’t looking to relive them…

Silence wasn’t an option either! People didn’t like being ignored, another lesson Peridot had learned first-hand. What could she do then? She certainly couldn’t act like she did at the restaurant the night before, after all that was what put her in this situation in the first place! She couldn’t lie to them further!

“Deep breaths Peridot, just try and take a few deep breaths.” Pearl’s quiet voice cut into Peridot’s mind once more as she realized that she had slipped into a panic attack without realizing it. She could feel Pearl now sitting on the opposite side of her from Garnet, gently rubbing small circles on her back as her breathing came and went in frantic little bursts.

It took Peridot a moment to compose herself. Once she could finally regulate her breathing she lifted her face for the first time since they had all sat down with her.

Amethyst had a to-go box in front of her and Lapis had what looked like a sandwich from the local sub shop. Peridot didn’t bother turning her head to see if Garnet or Pearl had brought a lunch as well or not, instead focusing on the expressions on Amethyst and Lapis’ faces.

Worried. It just made Peridot sicker, how could she let them feel those emotions? She wasn’t worth those emotions…they were sure to be angry with her once they found out they had wasted those feelings on her…

“Damn dude, Pearl was right. You look like shit.” Amethyst said jokingly, although her playfulness didn’t last long as right after she finished speaking she received a swift punch to her arm, courtesy of Lapis.

“Was this my fault Dot? Did I stay too late last night?” Lapis asked with such a genuine tone that Peridot had to fight back the sudden urge to break down and sob into the swimmers shoulder.

“No! Not at all you were perfectly fine! I should be apologizing for keeping you as long as I did!” Peridot struggled with the urge to bow her head as she spoke, afraid of saying too much…showing too much.

Lapis’ lips curled into a snarl for the briefest of moments before her expression settled into something more serine. “Why would you apologize for that? I had a great time hanging out. It makes me a little mad that you feel like you weren’t a good enough hostess. That just means I was a subpar guest.”

“No! Not at all! You were wonderful and I greatly enjoyed your company!” Peridot felt ashamed. How dare she make Lapis feel like she was subpar in anything? Her mental chastisement of herself was cut short by Lapis leaning over the table to capture Peridot’s full attention.

“So why would you apologize?” Lapis asked pointedly, her eyes stealing Peridot’s own and refusing to relinquish them until her question was answered.

Peridot found she couldn’t lie. Not because of her years of being harshly punished for doing so, but because as she looked into those warm brown irises Peridot felt compelled to share everything with the girl who held her gaze.

“…I’m not…worthy of anyone’s time…especially yours…” Peridot muttered, voice laced thick with shame as she felt her face and neck burn red. Unable to tear her eyes away from Lapis’, her body only heating up the longer those beautiful eyes stared into her own.

Anger flared in Lapis’s eyes for a moment before she sat back down, freeing Peridot from her near hypnotizing gaze. Now that Peridot was no longer staring into those eyes, she felt the gravity of what she had said start to weigh on her. She had given too much, she had to get away…NOW!

Pearl said something. Garnet had added to her statement. Peridot couldn’t hear them as deafening panic surged through her mind.

All she could think to do was run.

She made it a few feet from the table, her legs already beginning to burn, before she grasped at her stomach and emptied whatever contents were held within. Judging by the way it burned her throat Peridot guessed most of what she had just expelled all over the grass was stomach acid since she had yet to eat anything that day.

Peridot had wanted to continue running, to make it back to the safety of her room, but before she could realize what was happening she was led back to the picnic table. Pearl helping her drink from a water bottle as Lapis dabbed away the cold sweat beading around her hairline.

“Just relax Peridot, you are making yourself sick.” Pearl spoke calmly, narrowing her eyes as she once again checked the smaller girl’s temperature with the back of her hand.

It hurt. Peridot knew she shouldn’t let them look at her with those expressions, she knew she shouldn’t let them feel worried for her, she knew she couldn’t keep taking their kindness…she didn’t deserve any of it and yet she kept taking, like it was her right to do so.

“Please, just stop!” Peridot practically choked on her words, but forced them out regardless as she brought her hands up to her face to hide the fact she was unable to keep her tears in check any longer.

“No.” Garnet responded flatly, crouching down to take Pearl’s spot in front of her. “I don’t know your reasons for thinking you aren’t worth our time, but I can assure you that they are wrong.”

Peridot’s head snapped up, her eyes filled with confusion and pain as she looked at Garnet as if she had been speaking in some mythical language. Now that her hands were no longer hiding her face her tears fell freely down her cheeks as her face subconsciously contorted into an expression of disbelief and fear.

Peridot wanted to scream at her, tell her that she had lied and explain why she wasn’t worth anyone’s time let alone theirs. She wanted to run away and never look back, to forget everything that had happened in the past days’ time. She wanted too much, her brain wouldn’t focus.

“I’m broken…”

It was spoken in such a small voice. Not in volume or tone, but in emotion. Peridot’s voice sounded so…shattered…in that moment that all four of the others felt tears begin to well up in their own eyes.

It was a voice that was tempered by abuse and beaten into shape by abandonment and cruelty. It was such a terrible and lifeless voice that even the most accomplished actor wouldn’t have been able to duplicate it.

Both Lapis and Amethyst had sucked in a large breath of air, each preparing to let loose on the small techie only to find their words of encouragement had died in their throats. What could they say after hearing Peridot sound like that? They weren’t good with comforting words to begin with…but Pearl knew and after flashing the two a reassuring smile, she patted Garnet encouragingly on the shoulder.

The large diva didn’t even register the touch. She hadn’t heard the sounds Amethyst and Lapis had made. Instead she was lost in the chaos and suffering that swam in Peridot’s eyes. Finally, after a few moments of silence, she gathered thoughts and spoke up.

“It doesn’t matter what you think about yourself Peridot and I’m not going to sit here and try to change your mind. Talk is cheap and lies are easy, but I do know that I think very highly of you as does Pearl, Lapis and Amethyst.

You are smart and capable, a real genius when it comes down to it. You’ve shown us that you can be quite funny and that you have such a genuine personality that I find it very easy to talk with you.

I want to talk more with you, about anything and everything.” Garnet spoke slowly, her eyes locked with Peridot’s as she held the smaller girls face in her hands.

“Not to mention you are extremely passionate.” Pearl added with a smile.

“And adorably dorky in the best way.” Lapis said nodding, fingers on her chin.

“A real heart of gold! One of the nicest people I know!” Amethyst cheered from across the table.

Peridot couldn’t see their expressions, her eyes never leaving Garnets. Her lips began to quiver, but despite how much she cried her tears never made it to her chin as Garnets gentle touch kept swiping the tears away. Garnet never letting her soft smile leave her face.

“You may feel like you are being unfair to us. Like you are wasting our time, that you aren’t worth the effort, but I want to assure you we don’t care what you’ve been told in your past. You _are_ worth our time and we are going to prove it to you.

Is that okay with you Peridot? Will you give us the chance to prove to you that you are not only worth our time, but a cherished friend?” Garnet asked as her smile grew a little, nothing but sincerity lacing her tone.

Peridot couldn’t believe her. She knew Garnet was wrong…and yet she wanted them to try. Even if someday they found out and they pushed her away…she just desperately wanted that feeling of comfort and friendship to stay for now.

“You don’t know…but, I guess that’s okay...” Peridot sniffled as she pulled her face from Garnet’s grasp to rub away the remaining tears from her eyes.

Her head still hurt.

Her mind was still racing with worries and fears.

The voice that told her she was awful for deceiving them still loud and clear in her thoughts...

Suddenly the sound of Peridot’s stomach rumbling filled the silence that had blanketed the group after Peridot had stopped talking.

Looking up at them, small tears still stuck in the corner of her eyes, but with a large smile on her face Peridot spoke up with a small laugh. “Since we’re friends somebody has to share their lunch with me!”


	5. Flawed Start Pt. 05

“I call bullshit, you’re a liar!” Amethyst shouted with a laugh as she pointed directly at Lapis with an accusatory finger.

“I shit you not! My teacher came in to the room like ten minutes late, snatched up a marker and wrote ‘NO THUGGIN’ in huge letters on the white board!” Lapis pounded her first on the table, her jaw set into an expression of complete and utter seriousness. “Fuckin’ slammed his hand on the board and said there will be no more thuggin’ in this classroom and I’m talking to you Kevin!”

Laughter erupted from the group with Lapis’ expression shifting into a broad grin as she leaned back and put her arms over her chest. “That is why you never disrespect your teacher’s tats, they get defensive as fuck.”

Another peal of laughter broke the silence of the late afternoon air as the group couldn’t contain their amusement at the absurdity of Lapis’ story. Had they been just about anywhere else on campus they would have had a faculty member or another student tell them off for their raucous laughing fits quite a while ago.

The other four had to admit, Peridot had found a pretty nice spot away from all the bustle of university life.

“Man I wish I had cool teachers like that!” Amethyst said with a mirth filled sigh as she wiped some stray laughter tears from the corners of her eyes. She wasn’t even sure how the subject had changed to the point that Lapis could share that story, but she was immensely grateful it had even if it meant she had been forced to wait to ask a question that had burning the tip of her tongue since last night.

“I agree, most of the teachers here seem to be fairly stiff.” Pearl said with chuckle, her own laughing fit slowly drawing to an end along with the others.

The abrupt sound of Amethyst slamming her hands onto the picnic table caused the other four to jump slightly. Their gazes firmly directed to the shortest girl who now hovered out of her seat, leaning on the table in front of her.

“Who has plans for tomorrow?!” Amethyst asked with barely contained excitement, her eyes flicking back and forth from each of her table-mates to judge their reactions to her sudden question.

Judging from their startled expressions her question had caught them a little off guard, with Garnet being the first to recover from the unexpected outburst. Chuckling to herself as she caught the mischievous gleam in Amethyst’s eyes and deciding she would play along to see what the curvy girl was up too. “Pearl and I have nothing scheduled.”

Garnet had to focus on suppressing a throaty chuckle as she surveyed the reactions her response had garnered from her two oldest friends.

Amethyst’s eyes seemed to light up even more while Pearl simply gawked at Garnet with a look of betrayal for a moment before scrunching up her face into a tight frown. “I am planning on studying tomorrow thank you very much! Garnet don’t give Amethyst false information!”

The taller engineer huffed with annoyance as she grabbed one of her few remaining chicken nuggets and placed it on the small fry box in front of Peridot that acted as the shorter girl’s makeshift plate.

Peridot glanced up at Pearl with a look of frustration and rebuke. If she ended up taking any more of the older girl’s food then she would have eaten more of Pearl’s lunch than Pearl herself had! However, her look had been promptly ignored so with a small grumble of defiance Peridot picked up the nugget and began dipping it in a nearby sauce packet.

“I was planning on studying tomorrow as well.” Peridot mumbled quietly before eating the nugget, only to have a small pile of fries appear on her ‘plate’ once again via Garnet. The little techie shot Garnet the same look of rebuke she had given Pearl and just like with Pearl it had been ignored.

Yes, she had been hungry and yes she had hoped they would share a little with her…but they just kept giving her more of their food than they themselves were eating!

She had been forced by Lapis to take at least half of the blunette’s sandwich and while she tried to deny the shorter girl, Amethyst had insisted on sharing nearly all of her sweet and sour chicken with her ‘favorite nerd’ as she put it. Pearl was no better giving her over half of her chicken nuggets and even some of her fires, with Garnet giving up nearly all of her own fries and even a good sized portion of her cheeseburger!

Peridot couldn’t help feeling the twinge of guilt at taking so much from them, but no matter what she said or did she couldn’t get them to stop. After a small bit of arguing at the start she had finally accepted her fate and simply ate what was placed in front of her…she just couldn’t shake the feeling of regret at demanding they share with her in the first place…

“I’m free and clear for tomorrow as well.” Lapis snickered as she motioned one hand at Pearl, propping herself up on her elbow with her cheek resting in her other hand.

Pearl shot Lapis a pointed frown as Amethyst laughed and threw her arms up into an X before making a buzzer noise. “Nope, you’re all wrong, because you guys have plans to go to the mall with me tomorrow!”

Both Peridot and Pearl held looks of indignant disbelief on their faces, while Garnet and Lapis only grinned widely and nodded their heads. Both having known Amethyst long enough to know that if she was this excited about something there was no real way to talk her out of it.

Pearl knew this as well, but that wasn’t going to stop her from trying.

“What is the occasion? I don’t believe shopping to be an acceptable excuse to skip out on a nice afternoon of studying.” Pearl asked with her pointed frown switching targets to now be directed at Amethyst.

“Oh lighten up P' you study, like, all the time!” Amethyst sighed dramatically throwing an arm over her face, if only to hide her ever growing grin. Pearl scoffed and muttered something inaudible into her drink before Amethyst continued. “I ran into Smoky at the convenience store last night and she gave me the insider scoop on some sick deals that start tomorrow! Is it so wrong to want to take my _friends_ out and show them a good time?”

Garnet felt a knowing smile grow on her lips, now well aware of Amethyst’s game plan. “Sounds like fun, it has been quite a while since we had a nice day out.” The tallest member of the group said, tilting her head to look at the two who shared her side of the table. Her knowing smile catching Pearl’s attention briefly.

Snapping her gaze back to Amethyst, Pearl opened her mouth to shoot the latina’s idea down with a bit more force when she was quickly interrupted by said girl before she could even begin.

“Ah, tut-tut Pearl you don’t want to rain on any parades do you?” Amethyst asked with a cheeky smirk of victory plastered to her face. Pearl was a bit confused by the smaller girl’s smug look, but before she could ask for any sort of clarification Lapis caught her attention as the blunette discreetly pointed at the blonde sitting next to her.

Glancing down Pearl felt all her resolve to fight for her precious study time instantly melt away.

Peridot sat with her eyes locked to the table in front of her, pushing the tips of her index fingers together with a positively gleaming smile on her lips. Lightly swaying back and forth with giddy excitement, completely lost in the thought of going to the mall for the day with her friends.

“You play dirty.” Pearl stated simply as she sighed in defeat, knowing there was no way she could fight Amethyst on the matter after seeing how happy the mere idea of a trip to the mall made their newest little friend.

Amethyst laughed and pumped her fist, she had placed her chips on Peridot’s reaction convincing Pearl to ditch studying and was quite pleased that she had gauged the situation correctly. Lapis chuckled breathily as she watched Peridot bubble with excitement, before the smaller girl snapped out of her thoughts and flushed after noticing the entire group’s attention was now on her.

“I find that plan to be acceptable, i-if that is what you four want.” Peridot muttered with a cough, averting her eyes from the table and its occupants to a nearby tree as she tried to force the heat from her cheeks.

“Oh yeah? Acceptable huh.” Lapis mocked with another snicker, watching Peridot’s cheeks slightly darken in shade.

Amethyst went off on a tangent about the stores they would visit and what sales were supposed to be happening, but Lapis wasn’t paying a bit of attention to her. Instead her focus was on the small nerd she found herself fascinated with, enjoying how flustered she got each time their eyes made contact. She didn’t realize she had been staring Peridot down until she felt a soft kick to her knee from under the table.

Shifting her gaze to Garnet she saw a small unamused frown directed her way. Lapis bristled at the look she was receiving, now frowning herself as she focused her attention at her crumpled up sandwich wrapper.

“Well I suppose we should choose a time and place to meet then. I would like to have my morning tea before dealing with Ame and Lapis all day so I suggest we meet at the fountain in front of the mall at eleven.” Pearl proposed in a manner that made it seem more like an ultimatum than a suggestion, before a soft beeping drew everyone’s attention back to Amethyst.

“Works for me! Ah, I need to get to class or my teacher is gonna get all pissy with me again.” Amethyst chuckled as she checked her phone briefly before jumping from the table and bolting off, waving a chaste goodbye as she went.

Pearl just sighed loudly as she stood and gathered the group’s trash together. “Honestly that girl, always rushing off without proper farewells…perhaps I should make a quick trip to the library while I’m on campus?” Muttering to herself mostly Pearl began to walk off to find a trash can, giving the group a soft goodbye as she turned the corner around the side of the building.

The other three got up as well, with Lapis practically dancing around to where Garnet and Peridot stood, glaring at Garnet for a moment before giving Peridot a sultry look and wrapping an arm around Peridot’s shoulders.

“I’ll be by your room later…” Lapis whispered directly into Peridot’s ear, making she shorter girl squeak in embarrassment. “…to use your shower of course.” Lapis spoke with barely contained laughter as she let her fingers glide over Peridot’s shoulders before walking off in the direction of the universities gym.

Peridot’s felt like her face was actually sizzling as a shudder ran down her spine. Her eyes were captivated by the blunette as she sauntered away, completely unaware of the slight frown and watchful gaze Garnet had on her.

“We will see you tomorrow Peridot. Try and get some sleep tonight, Amethyst can be a bit of a handful when it comes to days out and about.” Garnet said smoothly after Lapis had turned the corner and Peridot had returned to reality.

“Right, will do! I…I really am…I just…” Peridot sputtered not really knowing what to say to the tall diva, or if she should really be saying anything at all, but thankfully Garnet didn’t let her flounder about and instead knelt beside her so that they could look eye to eye.

“Thank you for agreeing to come out with us Peridot, I’m certain it will be even more fun with you there.” Garnet smiled at the innocent blush that bloomed on Peridot’s face and how she babbled out something about how she was the appreciative one, before thanking Garnet for being so kind to her and running off back towards her dorm room.

Garnet stayed unmoving from where she knelt as she watched the smaller girl run off. Her smile slowly slipping back into a frown, finally standing once Peridot was no longer in sight.

She loved her all her friends, now including the bashful little engineer, but Garnet was not afraid of giving them a firm talking to when it was for their own good or for the good of another. She knew Peridot needed someone to be there for her, a friend to show her that they cared.

Sadly Garnet feared Lapis was taking advantage of that to make the blonde feel emotionally dependent on her and what made that thought even worse was Lapis had been in Peridot’s shoes once and knew how hurtful her actions could be.

Garnet knew Lapis was flirty, she had said so herself when she had described their little group to Peridot, but this felt different. Lapis had a near predatory look on her face as she stared Peridot down and while it somehow wasn’t obvious to the blunette, Garnet could see the turmoil it was causing the smaller blonde.

Peridot didn’t need that right now. She needed friends and people to listen to her worries, not someone trying to take advantage of her newly developing emotions of safety and trust…

Garnet knew she was going to have to have a stern talk with Lapis…and that was something Garnet never looked forward to…

The sound of Peridot’s footsteps echoed through the corridors and classrooms as she scampered in and out of the different campus buildings as she made her way back towards the dorms. Her mind was completely over taken with excitement, finally after so many years of dreaming about it she was actually going to spend a day hanging out at the mall with her…with her friends!

Peridot felt like she could scream from how happy she was. They would shop and try on clothes, Peridot would only be trying on shirts obviously, and then they would find the cafeteria to get something quick to eat. Maybe they would stop at an electronic store and play a few of the game demos or browse for new computers!

A squeal of delight escaped Peridot’s lips as she ducked into yet another building via one entrance and then within moments slipped back out through another, completely ignoring the odd looks cast her way by the other students.

It almost felt like that morning and the events leading up to it were all just a bad dream. Peridot knew that wasn’t the case, since the small voice in the back of her mind was seemingly omnipresent in her thoughts, but she couldn’t bring herself to actually listen to it. She was going to the mall with…friends!

Her thoughts never left cloud nine as she dodged around student after student on her way back to the dorms. Her happiness never diminishing as she ran through the halls, buildings and grass lots. Her bright smile never leaving her face.

…until she stepped into her room…

There, laying on the floor at the end of her bed was her broken prosthetic. She could almost hear the sound of rubber snapping as the balloon of warmth that filled her chest burst at the reminder of what she was…broken…abnormal…unworthy…

Now that Peridot’s attention had been returned to her prosthetics she finally registered the near searing pain her…stumps…felt after all the walking and running she had done since putting on her ‘limb enhancers’ that morning. Slowly reaching down to lightly massage what she could of her organic legs in an effort to ease the pain she felt, her fingertips instead brushed against the cold plastic and metal of her fake limbs.

A loud sob ripped through her throat as she pulled her hand away from her legs as if she had just been burnt. Tears threatening to roll down her cheeks as she heard that little voice in the back of her mind reminding her of what she was…

…she was broken…

…she was worthless…

…she was…unwanted…

_“…you are worth our time…”_

Peridot’s breath hitched in her throat as Garnet’s voice rang loudly through her thoughts. Swallowing thickly the little engineer shakily placed her satchel on her bed before kicking her broken prosthetic under her bed. Out of sight, out of mind…at least that’s what Peridot told herself.

Taking a deep stuttering breath Peridot felt her spirits lift slightly and after turning the light on and closing her door behind her she finally felt a little of her previous happiness returning to her.

Forcing her mind away from the pain she felt, both physical and mental, and giving her room a once over Peridot decided her first course of action should be to clean up before Lapis showed up to use her shower. Quickly getting lost in her effort to make her room spotless Peridot failed to notice as the hours slowly passed one after another.

Peridot had already cleaned her shower, to the best she was able at least, three times since she had decided to try and make her room as perfect as she could. She had picked up all the clothes that littered her floor and stuffed them into the little laundry hamper she had hidden away in her closet. Her bed was made and she had vacuumed her floor at least five times.

Even her desk, which she never neatened, had been straightened slightly. Papers stacked and spare parts placed into organized piles next to their respective projects…okay so it wasn’t the best job, but it still looked better than it did.

Taking a deep breath to try and calm her steadily increasing heartbeat as she reread a text from Lapis, for what felt like the twentieth time, claiming she was bringing a surprise with her…

Peridot decided she would clean her shower and bathroom again while she waited when a knock at her door froze her in place.

Lapis had been in her room before and it had looked worse than it did now, so why was she suddenly so nervous about letting the taller girl into her room a second time?

“Hey yo P-Dot! We here to get naked and wet!” Amethyst all but yelled as soon as Peridot opened the door, grinning as the engineer stumbled back blushing brightly and stuttering incoherent nonsense with an accusatory finger pointed at her.

“Amethyst what did I say?” Lapis snipped looking down at the latina with a playful frown. “We’re here to get naked, _lathered_ and wet.”

Peridot felt another shudder travel down her spine at the tone Lapis had used when she had said that word.

“What do you say P-Pod? Wanna join in on all the _lathered_ fun?” Amethyst teased as the two actually made their way into Peridot’s room, her brows furrowing as she glanced around. “Damn I though P' was a neat freak, we might be out of our league trying to corrupt her Lappy.”

“Damn is right! You really went out of your way to make sure it was in an ‘acceptable state to host’ this time didn’t you Dottie?” Lapis laughed as she ruffled Peridot’s hair lightly, causing the smaller girl to blush even brighter and stutter some more unintelligible words that she deemed a suitable defense. “It was more of a mess last time Ame, don’t think she has fully succumb to Pearl-syndrome yet.”

A little more playful teasing was tossed back and forth, Peridot finally composing herself enough to even tease the other two a bit as well, before Lapis decided she would shower first to rid her hair of chlorine.

The two smaller girls sat in silence for a moment, Peridot in her desk chair with Amethyst on her bed, until the sound of running water filled the air around them. Pulled from their respective reveres the two locked eyes for a moment before Amethyst broke the silence.

“So P-Dot what’s with the green flag? Lappy said I needed to and I quote ‘ask her about her flag and sit quietly as she goes into nerd rant mode, it's cute’.” Amethyst said with a grin as she jerked her thumb at the Camp Pinning Hearts flag hanging above Peridot’s bed.

Peridot blushed a light pink, grumbling under her breath about not being cute before glancing up at the flag. Surely Lapis had only been humoring her last night and had told Amethyst to ask so that the latina could get a good laugh while she waited for her turn at Peridot’s shower.

“I won’t bore you with the details.” Peridot straightened slightly as she spoke, sitting more rigid and on edge than she had been prior to Amethyst’s question. “It is just an old TV drama I like, it’s stupid really…” She hated saying negative things about her favorite show, but Peridot knew it would hurt more to have Amethyst make fun of the show for the rest of the time she decided to stay friends with her.

“Why do you do that?”

Peridot’s gaze snapped up, unware she had let it wander to the floor, as she took in Amethyst’s expression. The curvy girl’s brows were furrowed, narrowing her gaze at Peridot as she curled her lips into an expression of discontent. She sat up straighter like Peridot had, only her arms now crossed over her chest in a manner that screamed her disapproval.

The small engineer opened her mouth with the intention of asking for clarification, but was immediately cut off by Amethyst who seemed to be one thought ahead of her. “I mean why do you always gotta talk down about yourself and what you like? It’s not healthy.”

Peridot suddenly felt very cramped, as if her room had suddenly shrunk drastically in size. She didn’t know how to deal with this kind of confrontation and had no idea what she should say to Amethyst’s…question? It sounded more like a statement than a question.

Why did she ‘talk down about herself’? Did that line of thought even apply to Peridot? She would need to be of some elevation to ‘talk down’ about anything…but that wasn’t possible, a worthless and broken failure like herself was easily below just about everyone…definitely below Amethyst…

Also time and time again it was _instilled_ in her that whatever she enjoyed was on the same level as her so she couldn’t really ‘talk down’ about her hobbies or interests either or at least the ones she was permitted to have…sometimes she would end up liking a game or a TV show that others enjoyed…she wasn’t _allowed_ to do that because it made it ‘uncool’.

Surly Amethyst could see that. Was she just trying to get Peridot to slip up? Her old peers used to do that, trip her up with words so they could _punish_ her for saying the wrong thing...

_“What do you think you’re doing?”_

_“E-eating lunch…”_

_“Who said you had the right to sit here?”_

_“I thought… Y-you said this was my t-table yesterday when I t-tried to-”_

_*SMACK*_

_“You don’t get your own table! Fucking moron. Go eat outside on the steps!”_

_“B-b-but there’s s-snow outside!”_

_“Do I look like I care bitch? Beat it!”_

_*SMACK*_

Peridot jumped at the sudden feeling of a hand resting on her back, right between her shoulders. “Um deep breaths P-Dot, like just keep breathing man.” Amethyst’s voice wavered slightly, feeling very out of her element when it came to comforting others.

She had watched as Peridot’s expression went from confused and a little panicky to something much worse. Her bright blue eyes seemed to cloud with a dark emotion Amethyst didn’t have a name for, while her thoughts seemed to spiral out of control if her sudden panic attack was anything to go by.

It took a few moments, but by the time Peridot started to regulate her breathing Amethyst felt pretty comfortable with her new found skill of helping calm the small girl down. A couple more stuttering breaths escaped the engineer and Amethyst was about to talk the girl out of whatever depressing thoughts had consumed her, only to find Peridot beating her to the punch by speaking up first.

“I’ve never really had…anyone who was willing to listen when I talked about the stuff I liked…” Peridot spoke in a soft voice, never bringing her eyes to meet Amethysts. She felt the hot uncomfortable feeling of shame burn her cheeks and neck, but she couldn’t put her finger on what was the cause of that shame.

Was it because she had to admit what everyone already knew…?

Was it because she had expected Amethyst to laugh at her…?

Was it because…

“Stop. I don’t know what you are thinking, but stop it!” Amethyst growled as she pulled Peridot’s face into her chest with a tight hug. “Everyone you used to know are assholes and if I had it my way I would go right now and break all their faces.”

Peridot was left speechless at the difference between the furious tone of Amethyst’s voice and the way she held Peridot close in a gentle, yet protective hug. Why? What had Peridot done to deserve such kindness...she had lied to her, that’s what. Surely Amethyst wouldn’t have said that if she knew how truly worthless she was…

“Peri, I am going to whoop your ass if you don’t stop doing that.” Amethyst said with a small grin as she squeezed Peridot’s cheeks with both her hands as she stared directly into the blonde’s eyes and while the chubby girl’s brown eyes weren’t as captivating as Lapis’ were Peridot still found it hard to look away from them.

She wasn’t used to people looking her in the eyes…

“You don’t understand…I’m-” Peridot tried to defend the actions her peers had always taken against her, to justify their treatment of her, but instead found herself unable to talk as Amethyst squeezed her cheeks into a ‘fishy face’.

“You’re not. Whatever you were gonna say with that tone and with that look in your eyes, you’re not okay and I won’t stand here and let you say bad stuff about yourself and what you like! Now tell me all about that flag and I better see energy and excitement!” Amethyst said with a laugh as she released Peridot’s face and wandered back over to the bed.

Peridot opened her mouth, but found her words failed her. She had a lot she wanted to say…a lot she felt she needed to say, but when she tried to speak up her voice just ended up dying in her throat. It might have something to do with the look on Amethyst’s face, the unnamable emotion that clouded her eyes.

Was this what friendship was?

“If you insist, but you are not allowed to interrupt with stupid questions! I will answer everything you need to know in due time!” That warm feeling began to bubble up in Peridot’s chest again, just like it had last night and that afternoon.

Happiness…

“Wait, wait I don’t want to miss it.” Lapis said with a laugh as she burst from the bathroom in a cloud of steam dressed in a pair of cerulean colored shorts and a black tank top, her hair still lightly damp even with her still rubbing a towel over her head.

“Well hurry and sit down then! Now the flag is the main symbol of Camp Pinning Hearts, the single greatest piece of television you will even have the fortune of seeing!” Peridot spoke with a large smile on her face as she jumped up from her chair and began to lightly pace in front of it.

Amethyst watched with dumbstruck awe at how quickly the little nerd’s mood had taken a one-eighty and just like Lapis had said she found Peridot’s little nerd rant rather endearing. Glancing over at Lapis, Amethyst found the blunette fully enthralled in whatever it was the blonde was rambling on about or at the very least she looked enthralled.

“I only caught the last bit…what happened?” Lapis asked in a hushed tone, her eyes never leaving Peridot.

“She has a lot of bad memories.” Amethyst said simply, her own gaze returning to the engineer who had somehow produced a stack of papers with all sorts of writing and graphs on them seemingly out of thin air. “Had another panic attack I think.” The latina chuckled at just how into the explanation Peridot was getting, finally understanding where Pearl was coming from when she had called the smaller girl ‘passionate’.

“We all have a past…” Lapis muttered and Amethyst could see a flicker of that same dark emotion pass over Lapis’ eyes, but in a flash it was gone and her overly happy expression was back as she continued to watch Peridot. “…just have to help her move forward.”

Amethyst agreed completely. She didn’t know Peridot too well just yet and she was sure you couldn’t call them close, but she had this strange urge to protect the little nerd. Like they were the best of friends and had been for a long time, so if Peridot needed somebody to sit and listen to her rant about a frankly ridiculous sounding TV show Amethyst would be there.

That didn’t mean she wouldn’t tease her about it though…

“I don’t know sounds like Percy and Paulette are destined for each other.” Amethyst shrugged with a shit eating grin, which only got bigger as she watched Peridot’s face morph into one of disgust and betrayal.

“Sacrilege of the highest order! Maybe you didn’t quite hear me when I said-” Peridot growled as she flew off into her rant again as she shuffled through her papers to find her character charts and diagrams, leaving Lapis and Amethyst to giggle at her reaction.

By the time Amethyst actually got around to getting her shower the three had already chatted the evening away and after she left the surprisingly nice facility located in Peridot’s bedroom she and Lapis were quickly ushered out of the room so Peridot could finish her homework before she had to go to sleep.

Goodnights were exchanged, and a fair bit of teasing as well, before Peridot leant softly against her door with a small sigh finding its way into the now silent air of her bedroom.

She knew she didn’t deserve them, but that thought didn’t stop the smile that bloomed on Peridot’s face as she made her way over to her desk. The voice in the back of her mind kept at its tirade, but for now she was able to ignore it and even as she slid her prosthetics off and climbed into bed she still felt her happy smile tugging up the corners of her lips.

“Tomorrow is going to be so much fun!” Peridot whispered to herself as she snuggled into her covers, almost letting the darkness of the room soothe her to sleep before she was brought back to a heightened state of awareness as her phone went off.

Peridot was going to ignore it, she was going to see them in the morning regardless, until her phone alerted her to yet another message. Then another and another, until her phone was practically ringing from the nightstand beside her bed.

Grinning slightly, before forcing an annoyed expression onto her face, despite no one being there to see it, Peridot reached over to check her texts. Blinded briefly as her eyes had adjusted to the pitch blackness of her room, Peridot finally could see that instead of several single messages all directed at her she was getting all the messages from the group chat.

**_-TrashMonster- Hey anyone down for a late night food run?_ **

**_-TrashMonster- I’m dying :(_ **

**_-Lapis- I’m down_ **

**_-BirdBrain- No, no one is “down” go to sleep. Both of you!_ **

**_-TrashMonster- Boo! Let’s egg Pearl’s car!_ **

**_-Lapis- Yeah!_ **

**_-BirdBrain- YOU WILL EGG NOTHING YOU MONGROLS!_ **

**_-BirdBrain- SO HELP ME I WILL HAVE GARNET STAND GUARD WITH THE PAINTBALL GUN AGAIN!_ **

**_-ShadyShades- Alright you three save your energy for tomorrow_ **

**_-TrashMonster- Fine_ **

**_-TrashMonster- Next time we’re totally egging Pearl’s car!_ **

Peridot couldn’t help but find herself laughing as she read through the messages waiting with bated breath for each new response. She had always wanted to be a part of something like this and while she knew she couldn’t butt into their conversation, just being able to see it play out in real time made her smile from ear to ear.

She had friends!

Friends that she was in a group chat with!

Friends she was going to the mall with!

Friends that hung out in her room!

With those thoughts drowning out the little voice in the back of her mind Peridot fell asleep for the first time in a long time with a happy smile unchanging on her lips.


	6. Flawed Friendships Pt. 01

Silence…not uncomfortable in nature, but heavy regardless.

The near deafening sound of nothingness echoed around the room for what would have felt like hours to anyone aside from the two currently occupying the small kitchenette. However, Garnet was well aware that the two would slip into a contemplative silence after she had shared what she had been worrying over with Pearl. After all, it happened every time they ended up having a discussion like this.

Pearl was a masterclass debate partner, which was why the lithe young women was always Garnet’s go to choice when she needed someone to play the role of the opposing advocate.

So Garnet waited patiently for her roommate to compose her thoughts, after all even with her highly accurate intuition and well trained people reading skills she wasn’t above making mistakes. The last thing Garnet wanted to do was risk one of her friendships due to an unwillingness to ask for help organizing her thoughts and concerns.

The only sound to break the ever present stillness around them was the soft clinking of Pearl’s nails against her cup and the occasional breath from the slim women as she deeply inhaled the aroma of her Darjeeling tea.

When Pearl finally did speak her tone was leveled and calm, but held a tinge of unease that would have been nearly impossible to hear had Garnet not had years of practice listening for it under her belt.

“I am worried about Peridot as well, however I feel we should be very careful about unfairly villainizing Lapis...” Pearl spoke slowly as she flicked her gaze upwards from her cup to lock onto Garnet’s, neither releasing the others eyes.

Taking everything Garnet had said and processing it against her own observations and fears had taken some time and Pearl was grateful that Garnet always allowed her time to analyze everything she understood about a situation and then analyze it again before she spoke on any subject they discussed.

“It took Lapis quite a while to open up to us without Steven around, even longer still to let us help her move past everything she suffered through. I don’t want us to sabotage the relationship we’ve built by chastising her if it isn’t warranted.” Pearl’s voice was laced with a certain softness she only ever used when talking about those she cared for, it was also a tone she often used when she felt Garnet was over thinking something when it came to their friends and family.

Garnet sighed, breaking eye contact with Pearl in favor of leaning back in her chair to stare up at the ceiling. She had been afraid of that response, it was a response that said she might just be looking for monsters in the dark.

“The last thing I want is to hurt Lapis, she doesn’t deserve to have her friend’s doubt her…but I just can’t help but worry about Peridot, if things go badly between them she may never trust anyone again…let alone what that would do to her health…” Garnet trailed off, closing her eyes tightly as she tried to reassess her thoughts and feelings on the subject.

How the little nerd had infiltrated their hearts so efficiently in such a short amount of time was an absolute mystery to the group, but about halfway through their night at the restaurant she just simply clicked into their dynamic. It was almost like there had been a hole in their group that she came along and filled damn near perfectly.

It was scary how much they suddenly started to care about the smaller blonde. After the three dorm dwellers had been dropped off and Pearl and Garnet had returned to their apartment they held a lengthy discussion about said smaller girl.

Their talk had concluded after a few hours with the realization and slight denial that there was no reasonable way that they could care about Peridot so thoroughly with such little knowledge of or time spent with her…

“Yes, I agree with that completely. The last thing she needs is to be burdened with anything else on top of what she is already facing. Throwing up due to anxiety isn’t something anyone should have to deal with.” Pearl’s voice darkened slightly as she took another sip of her drink, letting her words hang in the air for a moment.

When Pearl had contacted the group that prior morning, worried about how sick Peridot looked and how strange she had been acting, none of them had expected the blonde to have caused those symptoms to herself…

Amethyst had taken the opportunity with her new drone to finally invite out Pearl’s classmate, a snarky and somewhat distant little engineer that had captured Pearl’s favor and respect due to the several assignments they had worked on together.

They thought Peridot was hotheaded and self-assured, but kindhearted underneath it all if you really took the time to get her to open up. Those misconceptions built on the façade Peridot put up all gave way to the truth that she was a hurting and depressed little ball of past abuses that none of them had been expecting…

If it hadn’t fully set into their hearts just how much they unexpectedly now cared about that girl before, it sure as hell did when they saw her vomit up pure stomach acid due to how panicked and scared of them she was.

“Lapis was happy, she had some friends and a good home life when…she went through what she did. Peridot is already hurt, she called herself broken for crying out loud!” Garnet shouted slamming her fist down onto her knee. She was angry, she had only known Peridot for at best two days and yet she wanted to march into the blondes past and pummel everyone she saw.

What kind of dark magic did that little nerd emit?

“I know, but maybe we are being too protective of her? After all Peridot is aware that Lapis is the flirty type and this _is_ the first time Lapis has made a new friend without the help of Steven since her incident, maybe this is just how she does things.” Pearl said with a soothing lilt to her voice as she reached over and placed her hand gently on Garnets, smiling as she felt the tension in the appendage begin to ebb away.

“I suppose you’re right…” Garnet inhaled deeply as she leaned further back into the chair. “I won’t say anything to her and will just continue to watch them, but I don’t think I’ll be able to shake the feeling that I need to have a talk with Lapis.”

“Well if anything specific happens then you have full right to call her on it.” Pearl said with a smile as she stood from her chair to take her now empty cup to the kitchen, leaving Garnet to further mull over her thoughts.

Maybe she really was over thinking it and had just been too protective of their new little friend, but Garnet couldn’t get passed the feeling that the looks and actions Lapis took in regards to Peridot were a little more than simple teasing…but Pearl was right she couldn’t risk hurting Lapis with accusations so for now she would just have to wait and watch.

Garnet’s attention came back to her surroundings when Pearl walked into their kitchen holding two different pairs of shorts. “I like the pastel pink ones since they match my hair, but I thought the baby blue ones also looked nice. I plan on wearing that cute white scoop with the star on it I bought a few weeks ago, but I can’t decide on which shorts to choose.”

“I like the pink ones.” Garnet stated simply, throwing Pearl a thumbs up and a small smile.

“I do too, it’s just they’re a little…well shorter than my others and I don’t want to look too-” The words spilled out of Pearl’s mouth quickly as she averted her gaze from Garnet to the clothes in her hands before the taller girl cut her off.

“What has Rose told you? Be confident in yourself Pearl, besides how did Amethyst put it? ‘You've got legs for days and you need to flaunt it more’, I believe is how she phrased it.” Garnet chuckled softly as she poked at the uncovered skin on the pale girl’s right leg.

“Ugh, Ame says embarrassing stuff like that all the time!” Pearl said with mock exasperation, despite the smile on her face as she smacked Garnet’s hand away and began heading back to her room to change. “She also says stuff like that to you and I don’t see you listening.” Pearl jabbed playfully as she slipped around the corner and into her room, not bothering to close her door since she knew she was out of sight of her roommate.

“Yes well, she thinks I need to show off my eyes more despite knowing good and well that my style revolves around my sunglasses.” Garnet softly shouted, smirking as she thought back to how much she absolutely hated her heterochromia growing up. Now she knew it was a desirable trait that many people found attractive…

Garnet wasn’t trying to hide it anymore…she just loved her shades.

“Speaking of which, what pair are we getting today? Remember we will be inside the mall!” Pearl shouted back as she searched around her room for an appropriate handbag.

“I’m thinking my blue and red reflective ones in the shield style, or maybe round.” Garnet stood and made her way to her room to look through her choices. Smiling to herself as she spun her four foot tall sunglasses rack around to look at her collection, it was by far one of the best gifts she had ever received.

“If you are going to wear those black jeans and that maroon V-neck then I suggest the shields, oh you should also wear your red and blue sweat bands!” Pearl said cheerfully as she strode into Garnet’s room and began rummaging around looking for said sweat bands.

Garnet just shook her head at the ‘invasion of privacy’ with a smile. She and Pearl had been friends/roommates for so long now that if Pearl hadn’t come into her room to help finalize her outfit Garnet would have feared for Pearl’s health.

“Now then we should get going or we won’t be there fifteen minutes early!” Pearl’s chipper voice cut through the air once again as she walked over and placed the sweatbands and a pair of black sneakers into Garnet’s already open hands.

Pearl took a moment to adjust her hair one last time in the bathroom mirror before snatching up her small white shoulder bag and slipping on a pair of pure white flats. After Pearl quickly joined Garnet at their front door the two slipped out of their apartment and headed towards the stairwell.

Their walk from the fourth floor to Garnet’s car was filled with small talk about the weather and if there was anything either of them were looking to purchase while at the mall. Pearl steered the conversation towards purses once they had set out towards the mall, trying once again to convince her roommate of how useful they were.

Once again however she had no real luck at changing the diva’s mind as Garnet was pretty firm on only needing her phone, keys and wallet, all of which fit nicely in her jeans.

After parking and briskly making their way to the fountain Pearl checked her phone and huffed with pride at them arriving exactly fifteen minutes early to their meet up spot.

The two continued chatting about whatever happened to pass through their minds, smiling and laughing as they waited for the rest of their group to arrive. Pearl had just pulled out her phone to check the time when the sound of Amethyst’s shouting caught her and Garnet’s attention.

Looking down at her phone regardless Pearl was shocked to find that the others had actually made it right on time, which came as quite the surprise since she had never known Amethyst to be on time for anything.

“Booyah! Right on time, I don’t know what bet you made with Garnet but it’s time to pay up!” Amethyst cheered as she and Lapis made their way over to where the other two girls were currently standing.

“We made no such bet, besides the odds in Garnets favor are almost always negligible.” Pearl said as she narrowed her gaze at Amethyst, scrutinizing her shorter friend’s choice of outfit and internally debating on whether she should call her out on it…which she decided to do. “Purple yoga pants, a turquoise off the shoulder tee and flip-flops? Really?! Did you even look at the clothes you were putting on?”

“It’s a trip to the mall not a date Pearl, I wanna be comfy!” Amethyst threw her arms into the air in exasperation, before blatantly looking Pearl up and down. “Besides I don’t have creamy-white mile long legs to flaunt.”

Pearl squawked in embarrassment as she tried to hide her exposed limbs from Amethyst’s lecherous stare, face bright red with humiliation. Garnet just chuckled good naturedly as she patted Pearl on the shoulder, finding her gaze resting on Lapis who stood off side of Amethyst laughing with the short girl at Pearl’s little episode.

Ripped blue jeans and a black tank top, typical Lapis and nothing too provocative aside from the fact Garnet could see the blunette’s black sports bra peeking out from the loose fitting shirt. Garnet shook her head lightly, she wasn’t there to watch and judge Lapis all day so with a little more effort than she would have liked she pushed those worries out of her mind to focus on having a fun day at the mall with her friends.

“How can you two wear flip-flops knowing we are going to be walking around all day?” Pearl asked in a clipped tone, still fighting off the dregs of embarrassment from Amethyst’s teasing.

“I wouldn’t have worn shoes at all if it weren’t for all the stupid no shoes no service rules.” Lapis said with a huff of annoyance, as if being forced to wear shoes was the worst thing in the world to her.

“I’m gonna laugh my ass off when our little nerd shows up wearing flip-flops as well!” Amethyst laughed as she hopped up to sit on the edge of the fountain, letting her flip-flops fall to the ground underneath her.

Pearl glanced around for a moment, seemingly just realizing that Peridot hadn’t shown up with the other two. “Where is Peridot? She didn’t take the bus with you two?” Pearl asked with a frown, not happy Lapis and Amethyst seemingly abandoned the small blonde.

“She was running late and said she was gonna miss the first bus, which we were already on, so we just decided to go on ahead.” Amethyst said with a shrug, not seeing the big deal since the buses ran around every fifteen minutes this time of the day.

“You two should have waited for her, she might not know her way around yet.” Garnet chided with a small frown of her own. Peridot was still fairly new to this city and might have needed a bit of assistance to easily navigate around it.

Lapis snorted indignantly. “I didn’t want to leave her, but Ame was being all clingy and wouldn’t let me off the bus.” Lapis playfully stuck her tongue out at the shorter girl and blew a raspberry.

Amethyst returned the gesture before whining in playful agony. “There were creepers on that bus and they were gonna get me! I needed you Lappy!” Amethyst’s face split into a large grin as Lapis began to laugh while playfully pretending to try and shove her into the fountain. “Besides she isn’t a kid, she’ll find us just fine.”

Garnet and Pearl just sighed as they so often did when it came to Amethyst, but they couldn’t help feeling their own smiles grow as well. Amethyst’s constant unbridled and enthusiastic energy was quite infectious, so much so that even someone as moody as Lapis couldn’t help but feel the excitement she exuded.

The newly formed group of four quickly slipped into an easy lull of conversation, discussing things like the latest TV shows that were popular and what TubeTube channels they had found interesting as of late. Their easygoing banter only came to a halt once they heard the sound of heavy footfalls headed in their direction.

Peridot was lightly jogging towards them with her well-worn green converse kicking up a few small pebbles as she got ever closer. Lapis couldn’t help but smile at how much Peridot’s outfit suited the small nerd. The tan cargo pants and grey tee shirt screamed ‘nerd’, especially since that shirt was once again decorated with a large cartoony depiction of an alien head.

“I’m so sorry I’m late, the bus wasn’t on time and then there was some kid arguing about drop off locations…” Peridot trailed off as she came up beside the group, panting slightly as she tried to catch the breath she’d lost powerwalking to and from the bus stop and then her little jog after catching sight of the group.

“See Ame, Peridot knows better than to wear flip-flops to the mall.” Pearl huffed proudly, crossing her arms over her chest in a look of triumph. While Pearl was a bit annoyed that the smaller girl was wearing shoes that looked absolutely ancient she was at least happy to see she was wearing something other than blasted flip-flops.

Peridot’s first reaction to Pearl’s declaration was that of panic, why had they been discussing her choice of footwear? Had she been found out? However, as she raised her head after regaining her breath her attention was swiftly taken away from her panic driven thoughts by the sight of the taller engineer’s slender legs.

While her ogling had gone unnoticed by both Pearl and Amethyst, who had begun arguing about proper footwear, her longing gaze had not slipped by Garnet and Lapis. The latter of the two frowned before her cheeks puffed up into an annoyed pout.

“Floof test!” Lapis announced loudly before slamming her hand down on top of Peridot’s head and began vigorously rubbing it back and forth, causing the blondes already unkempt mass of fluff to become even more disheveled.

“Ack! LAPIS!” Peridot shouted as she felt her whole body sway back and forth as Lapis ‘floofed’ her already fluffy mess of hair.

Lapis smiled triumphantly as she continued to rub the techie’s head, despite Peridot’s best efforts to get her to stop. Not only had she gotten the blondes eyes off of Pearl, but she had also gotten the little gem of a nerd to call her by name! A win-win in Lapis’ book if there ever was one.

“Gross Lapis, think of how much hair gel is gonna be on your hand now.” Amethyst laughed as she placed her arms behind her head, previous argument with Pearl forgotten for the hilarious little show being held right in front of her.

“I shit you not Ame, there is no product on this head!” Lapis said in faux awe as she brought her other hand into the mix and began rubbing Peridot’s head from both sides, much the blonde girls chagrin.

“No fucking way that crazy pointed hair is natural!” Amethyst said in a challenging tone as she quickly jumped from her seat on the fountain and covered the gap of distance between them to add her own hands to Peridot’s head. “Holy shit, is it possible to have hair this fucking soft? Pearl come here and feel P-Dot’s hair!”

Pearl frowned slightly at Lapis and Amethyst for invading Peridot’s personal space, but as she took a step closer to tell the two to release their smaller peer’s head Amethyst’s hand snagged one of her own and quickly pressed it into the mess of blonde fluff.

“Oh my stars!” Pearl gasped as she threw her previous complaints for Lapis and Amethyst out the preverbal window. Peridot’s hair was sinfully soft and Pearl could find herself getting addicted to the feeling. “What sort of products do you use to get your hair this soft? Garnet come here.” Pearl all but demanded as she rubbed a few locks of hair between her fingertips.

Garnet walked over as well and patted Peridot’s head lightly before she spoke. “It’s very soft indeed, but perhaps we should stop embarrassing our little friend.”

Pearl, Amethyst and Lapis immediately pulled their hands away and glanced down at Peridot’s now brightly blushing face. Peridot was biting at her lower lip and shifting her weight from one leg to the other and then back again as she stared at her shoes. The three muttered a few quick apologies, light blushes appearing on their faces as well.

“No that’s quite alright, i-it’s nice to hear someone say something so nice about my hair…” Peridot mumbled as she began pressing her index fingers together, a sheepish smile working its way onto her face as she kept her gaze firmly planted on the ground.

_‘CUTE!’_ Lapis screamed internally as did the others, although to a much lesser degree.

“Well speaking of soft! Lush is having a big sale today so we gotta get a move on so I can get me some cheap face scrubs before they sell out of all the good stuff!” Amethyst shouted happily, taking it upon herself to break any and all tension surrounding the group before marching towards the main entrance of the mall.

Pearl and Garnet chuckled softly, each flashing Peridot a warm smile before they turned to follow after the self-appointed group leader. Lapis took a moment to quickly run her hands though Peridot’s hair one last time in an attempt to return it to a semi-styled state.

Smiling brightly Lapis grabbed Peridot by the hand and began leading her towards the rest of the group who had gotten a few feet away from them by that point.

Peridot felt a bright smile of her own bloom on her face as she did her best to keep pace with the others, despite the quickened pace Amethyst had set for them. Glancing down at her hand, held gently yet firmly in Lapis’ own, every few seconds to remind herself she wasn’t imagining it and was in fact holding hands with a friend!

“Are you feeling alright Peridot? You have a bit of a limp…” Pearl’s voice suddenly ripped Peridot out of her blissful stupor. Panic began to bubble up in her throat as her eyes landed on Pearl’s concerned expression, then to Lapis’. Luckily the other two hadn’t noticed and if they did they didn’t let it show on their faces.

“Fine! I feel fine, I just slept on my leg funny so it's a bit sore?” Peridot tried to sound convincing, but her statement had come out sounding more like a question then she had intended.

Pearl and Garnet exchanged looks, but they didn’t press her on it and for that Peridot was exponentially grateful. Lapis looked like she wanted to, but instead nudged Pearl who in turn took control of the pace the group walked at, slowing it by a considerable margin.

The rest of the walk passed in silence until they stood outside of a small and, if Peridot was honest, oddly smelling store. Peridot felt an odd sting in her chest when they all entered the store and Lapis’ hand finally released hers.

“Wow, I don’t think I have ever been in here before.” Lapis spoke with as much monotone as she could muster, despite finding the quaint little store very appealing for some reason. “You just buy weird makeup stuff here right?”

“Not at all Lapis, I for one love getting perfume from Lush! Here try this scent, it’s one of my all-time favorites.” Pearl smiled as she spritzed a small amount of body spray on Lapis’s wrist.

The blunette wrinkled up her face at the sudden violation of her personal space, but after hesitantly bringing her wrist to her nose and sniffing lightly she found herself infatuated with the fragrance. “What flavor is that?” Was all Lapis could bring herself to ask as she snatched the little bottle from Pearl’s grasp.

“Flavor is the wrong term Lapis, it’s not edible.” Pearl said with an overblown sigh despite the large smile on her lips. “It’s _Kerbside Violet_ and it has the perfect balance of a strong yet not over powering scent.”

Pearl made her way over to Peridot, who was still hovering awkwardly in the threshold to the shop, and grabbed her wrist lightly. After a little effort to get the smaller girl to follow her, Pearl lead her over to the perfume display as well and placed her next to Lapis who was engrossed with reading the back of the little perfume bottle.

Reaching up and grabbing another small bottle, Pearl grabbed Peridot’s wrist this time and spritzed a little of the scented liquid onto her skin. “Now this scent is called _Karma_ and I think it’s one that suits your personality very well Peridot.” Pearl smiled as she ushered Peridot to see for herself.

Taking a small sniff of her wrist Peridot’s senses were assaulted with the scent of citrus. “Whoa, that is a really powerful smell!” Peridot’s eyes widened as her mind processed the fragrance, soon a small smile took over her face as she brought her wrist back up to her nose to smell it again.

“Yes it is a pretty strong scent, but I think it suits you perfectly.” Pearl stated matter of factly as she nodded, quite pleased that her first two instinctive choices hit their marks when it came to getting perfumes that suited her friend's tastes.

Peridot was about to press Pearl on the subject…she knew weak scents were more fitting for her, if she even deserved anything scented at all. However, before she even had the chance to open her mouth Lapis had grabbed her wrist and brought it to her nose. Peridot knew her whole face explode into a vibrant shade of red when she felt Lapis’ gentle breath dance across her wrist.

A small breath in through her nose, then an exhale through her nose. Followed by a deeper inhale through her nose and a warm puff of air exhaling out her mouth…

“Yes I think Pearl is right, you definitely need to buy a few of those.” Lapis said with a triumphant smirk as she squeezed Peridot’s wrist a little before letting go.

Peridot stood there dumbstruck for a moment, her hand still hovering in the air as her mind tried to regain control of itself. Two major thoughts battling for dominance, the first being that Lapis was a known flirt and that she was most likely trying to get a rise out of the tiny blonde…which she had succeeded in doing.

The second thought was decidedly more dangerous…Peridot wanted to know what that warm puff of air felt like on other parts of her body…

“Hey Peridot are you okay?” Pearl spoke with worry as she snapped out of whatever little daydream she had been having and braced the smaller girl as she nearly fainted from the mind melting heat her face was giving off.

Damn her overly gay virgin mind…

“P-Dot I need you for a second- Hey you okay, looks like you’re having a meltdown.” Amethyst laughed as she patted Peridot on the back a few times. “What did you do this time Lappy, you need to be careful not to break her.”

“I take offense to that Ame, I did nothing but smell her wrist!” Lapis said with a smirk, physically unable to hide the fact she knew exactly what she had done to the smaller girl.

“Unrelenting as always eh Lap? Anyway I’m going to need you to get over your gay-panic for a bit Dot and come with me.” Amethyst spoke happily as she began dragging Peridot across the small store. Said girl had recovered enough by that point to argue with the latina for being so forceful with her, but hadn’t managed to get rid of the tomato red blush from her cheeks.

“Hmm now that it’s out in the atmosphere like that, I really do wonder if Peridot has a preference for the same gender.” Pearl mused out loud as she began looking through the perfumes for one she would be interested in getting.

“Oh yeah, I’d bet money on it.” Lapis began looking through the perfumes as well as she spoke. “It’s pretty hard to give reactions like she does and not be gay.” Lapis snickered a bit, before her and Pearl’s attention was drawn to where Amethyst had dragged Peridot off to.

“I want hair as soft as this, think you guys have products that can work magic?” Amethyst asked with a smirk as she brought the employee’s hand to Peridot’s head. Despite said employee claiming they couldn’t touch the customers like that as soon as her hand touched Peridot’s hair that rule was instantly forgotten, it didn’t take long before she called over the other two employee’s.

Garnet shook her head as she joined Pearl and Lapis by the perfumes. “I don’t know if she knew just how dangerous her hair was.”

“It’s absolutely sinful!” Pearl huffed as she tore her eyes away from the scene of three Lush employees rubbing Peridot’s head in awe and excitement, lest she rush over there and join them.

“AHH! MY HAIR IS JUST NATURALLY FLUFFY!” Peridot shouted as she bolted out of their grasp and across the store to hide behind Garnet, face still bright red having been reignited with newfound embarrassment at having been pet by a group of absolute strangers.

“AND I’M NOT CUTE EITHER!” Peridot shouted angrily from behind Garnet, waving her fists back and forth and scowling in the harshest way she could as she glowed like a red light bulb.

Everyone in the store, including her ‘friends’, got quite the laugh out of the whole ordeal. Not wasting anymore time after having thoroughly embarrassed Peridot, the group quickly gathered and paid for their products before making their way out into the mall and off towards their next destination.

“Aw, come on Peri don’t be mad.” Amethyst cooed as she tried to coax Peridot away from Garnet, who Peridot was using as a shield to keep away the other three girls who seemed to delight in teasing her.

Peridot merely looked away from the trio with an annoyed pout, crossing her arms over her chest as she walked in an effort to look as angry as she possibly could. She wasn’t angry though, sure she was embarrassed by their very public teasing, but Peridot was certain there had been very few times in her life when she was as happy as she was in that moment.

“I know! Before we hit up the department store let’s stop by that one ice-cream place and get our grumpy little nerd a tasty treat!” Amethyst said happily as she quickly took control of the groups pace once again and began leading them towards the cafeteria.

“That’s right Peridot you haven’t been to this mall before, trust us when we say the ice-cream here is absolutely wonderful.” Pearl said almost wistfully as she clasped her hands together.

“I doubt there is a flavor any of us truly dislikes, so once we get there pick five flavors you want to try and we will all share.” Garnet smiled as she spoke, patting Peridot between her shoulder blades as she nudged her back into the center of the group.

Peridot couldn’t stop the beaming smile that eclipsed her faux expression of irritation. They were really her friends, they weren’t just leading her on…they really cared and they didn’t want _her_ to be mad at _them_! They were going to share ice-cream with her! Nobody shared with her!

All Peridot could feel was that warm balloon of happiness filling her chest!

She couldn’t hear the voice…

She couldn’t hear its warning…

_“…the longer you indulge in this lie…the more painful it will be to face the truth...”_


	7. Flawed Friendships Pt. 02

“I DIDN’T EAT THAT MUCH!” Pearl all but screeched as she chased Amethyst in circles around one of the small rest areas that were placed every several yards in the malls main thoroughfare.

“For someone who ‘doesn’t like’ food you sure did put those ice-creams away! I was afraid we wouldn’t have any left for our poor little nerd!” Amethyst jeered as she ducked around a small fake tree-like potted plant right when Pearl was about to nab her, laughter never ceasing thanks to Pearl’s embarrassed outrage.

Garnet simply shook her head, fully used to her friend’s childish antics at this point in her life. It had always impressed her how easily Amethyst could break Pearl’s prim and proper demeanor, causing the slim girl to fly off the handle into very immature fits of anger.

Lapis wasn’t nearly as used to the scene before them as Garnet was, but she had seen it enough times to not question nor try and stop the two. Instead the blunette just laughed at them, egging Amethyst on from the sidelines.

Peridot however was absolutely dumbstruck, she had never seen Pearl act so childish before and it was quite jarring to see. The smaller engineer had believed Pearl to be a complete and utter drone to the rules and regulations, their time as ‘enemies’ during early class projects had all but affirmed as much to her.

The sudden shift in Peridot’s perception of Pearl that night at the restaurant had been unexpected. Pearl could joke and laugh, tease and ‘cut up’ so to speak…it had been quite the surprise, although not an unpleasant one. What Peridot did find unpleasant was her own subconscious thoughts, how her preconceived notions had painted Pearl as something less then human…something like her…

It should have been obvious Pearl was nothing like her and if Peridot’s depreciative outlook on the prima donna hadn’t already been broken…well it would have been absolutely shattered by the sight of Pearl snatching Amethyst by the back of her shirt to smack at her continuously while squawking about ‘embarrassing her’ and ‘acting shamelessly’.

…strangely enough those were two things Pearl was doing quite well herself in that moment…

“Alright you two, that’s enough.” Garnet spoke up finally as she walked over and pulled the two apart with a small chuckle. “Pearl I think you’ve scared Peridot with your impromptu beating of Amethyst.”

Pearl, now suddenly made aware of her loss in self-control, blushed heavily as she sputtered a near incoherent explanation and apology to Peridot for the way she had just been acting. Feeling second hand embarrassment for Pearl, Peridot started blushing as well before sputtering her own string of near incoherent reassurances that she didn’t think any less of Pearl for her outburst.

Lapis and Amethyst merely laughed at their expense, causing the two resident nerds of their group to only blush harder as they tried to talk themselves out of the embarrassment they were now feeling.

After several minutes were spent for the group to recollect themselves, albeit mainly just Pearl, they were off towards their main goal for the day, a large three story department store that took up the entire left end of the mall.

The group hadn’t taken more than ten steps inside before one of the clerks rushed over and threw their arm around Amethyst’s shoulders. “Glad you could make it little cousin, but you better hurry the sale will be announced over the mall intercom in like thirty five minutes.”

And as quickly as she had appeared the clerk was gone, leaving Peridot more than a little confused at what had just happened. Amethyst seemed to notice the blonde’s confusion, hanging back as the other three walked deeper into the store so she could explain.

“That was my cousin Smokey, she is the one who told me they were having a big flash sale today. No one is supposed to know though until they announce it, so we have some time to grab the good stuff before this place becomes a shit show.”

Peridot nodded in understanding, smiling happily as a feeling of mischievousness washed over her. They were ‘technically’ braking the rules by knowing about the flash sale before everyone else and Peridot had never broken any rules before! The small techie wondered if this was the feeling Percy felt in episode seven of season three when he snuck into the-

A sudden tugging at her arm broke Peridot out of her thoughts as Amethyst began pulling her deeper into the store towards the small clothes rack where the others were currently at.

It only took a few minutes for Peridot to decide that clothes shopping was far superior to whatever they had done in Lush.

The first few sections they browsed through didn’t hold much Peridot found appealing, but Pearl and Lapis had looked through the seemingly endless summer blouses with excitement. The two slim girls even holding a small pseudo fashion show for the others after finding several different tops that they had liked.

Peridot hadn’t taken Lapis for the type to wear summer blouses…but after seeing them on her Peridot couldn’t help but wish the swimmer would wear them more often.

After some teasing and some candid pictures, much to Pearl’s displeasure, Amethyst finally managed to lead the group over to a section that Peridot was far more familiar with…graphic printed tee-shirts!

Since this particular department store was a little more of the ‘high-end’ type of store it sadly didn’t have the best selection of tee-shirts, but what they did have was of pretty good quality so Peridot couldn’t really complain.

Peridot had expected to quickly look through the selection offered before the group could move on without her, but was surprised to learn that Amethyst and Garnet were actually pretty excited to look through the shirts _with_ her.

Turns out the two were actually pretty nerdy themselves, both being big fans of comics, games and ‘mainstream nerd culture’ in general.

“Since Pearl is so far in the nerd closet she’s practically in Narnia and Lapis adamantly refuses to join us on the dark side, me and Garnet are often left to discuss this stuff on our own!” Amethyst said with a chuckle as she held up a shirt to Peridot excitedly, as if to see if it suited the tiny techie.

“It is nice to have another opinion around.” Garnet said with a smile before she began asking Peridot’s thoughts on a certain comic and movie series.

Peridot felt bad that she wasn’t nearly as well versed in ‘mainstream nerd culture’ as she apparently should have been, but whenever she voiced an apology about not knowing a certain game or comic the two would shrug it off and claim a ‘nerd party’ was in order to get her up to speed.

Pearl and Lapis groaned audibly when Amethyst had said the words ‘nerd party’ so Peridot was unsure if she should be excited or not…

The group browsed through the shirts a little while longer before a cheery voice came through the intercom to announce the flash sale was starting, breaking the peaceful silence that had descended on the group as they shopped.

“Okay you guys, I’m gonna bail before this place becomes a cluster fuck.” Lapis said suddenly, catching the group by surprise as she slid her phone back into her jeans. “I’m gonna be at the electronics store whenever you guys get done in here.”

Lapis spun on her heels and briskly walked back towards the entrance before the others could really voice any opposition.

“I believe Lapis has the right idea, we should hurry before this place gets too crowded.” Garnet said with an approving nod as she tucked her shirts under her arm a bit further, as if she was expecting to fight off the other shoppers once they showed up for the flash sale.

“I agree, but before we go I would like to check out the shorts.” Pearl spoke happily as she clutched her own haul a little tighter as well. “I am hoping they have those mint colored ones in stock…” Trailing off, Pearl began making her way over to where the shorts and pants were displayed.

“Right on, we can get some lighter leg wear for P-Dot as well! Beach City is not the place to be rockin’ long pants when summer rolls around.” Amethyst laughed, placing her hands behind her head as she began following Pearl and Garnet before noticing said techie was still rooted in place near the tee-shirts.

“Is everything alright Peridot?” Garnet asked, eyebrows furrowed slightly as she turned around to face the smaller girl. Something about the look on the little engineer’s face caused a feeling of worry to blossom in Garnet’ chest…

Peridot hadn’t really heard the taller girl as she felt herself begin to panic.

She couldn’t shop for pants…not with them. They couldn’t find out she was broken…not today. She was having so much fun, she didn’t want it to end…she should lie to them, again, if only for today…once more…they will be furious…but she wants to enjoy her first day at the mall with friends…

Peridot couldn’t quite read their expressions through her panic fogged mind, but she could see that they were all staring at her…she needed to get away before they started asking questions…before they found out.

“Actually, I have been needing to check on acquiring a particular item that can only be attained in shops specializing in the sale of technological trinkets therefore I believe my best course of action would be to follow Lazuli as to utilize the extended time allotted by your shopping in such a large store such as this to peruse their wares in hopes of coming across that which I have been intending to purchase for my personal utilization…”

By the time Peridot’s rambling had dwindled to a stop the small blond was already several feet from where she had once been standing and once she felt she had finally backed far enough away she turned and quickly headed in the direction she had watched Lapis walk off in.

Pearl, Garnet and Amethyst were so stunned by the sudden verbal onslaught that practically exploded from their little friend that they couldn’t even begin to find the right words to respond with. They simply watched at Peridot retreated towards the front and into the ever growing group of flash sale shoppers that flooded into the store.

Sadly Peridot had vastly underestimated the popularity of this particular department store and now that she was getting closer to the entrance, and by extension the checkouts, she found that the flash sale had brought in an absolutely massive amount of shoppers.

Navigating through the throng of customers proved no easy task as Peridot was shoved and jostled back and forth between people rushing around the store to try and grab different sale items before anyone else could beat them too it.

Usually Peridot found her lack of a presence to be a useful trait, but now as she was shoved to the floor for the third time she was having second thoughts. Scrambling to her feet so she wouldn’t be trampled to death by the excited sale hunters, she happened to catch a glimpse of electric blue hair heading out the main doors and into the mall.

“Lazu-” Peridot started to call out, but was cut short as another large women bumped into her and sent her falling into a nearby clothes rack. Peridot tried calling out to her taller friend over and over again, but it seemed like each time she opened her mouth she was shoved or pushed, causing her shout to die in her throat.

Anger began bubbling up in Peridot’s chest as she was shoved aside yet again. Baring her teeth Peridot began forcing her way through the mass of people, finally shoving back when she was pushed or harshly nudged by another patron.

“Lazuli wait up!” Peridot called out, but the shock of blue hair only seemed to keep getting farther and farther away. With a sudden burst of anger after someone stepped on her prosthetic foot, pulling her prosthetic a little lose in the process, Peridot barreled headlong through the mass of shoppers straight towards the doors.

“LAZULI I SAID WAIT!” Peridot shouted in frustration, actually quite a bit louder then she had intended as she finally broke free from the crowd of obnoxious shoppers and into the mall. Stumbling forward clumsily due to her now unhindered forward momentum, the small blonde found herself quickly closing the gap between her and the blunette. In an effort to stop Lapis’ gait while also steadying herself Peridot shot her hand out towards the taller girl, her grasp soon finding purchase on Lapis’ wrist.

The athlete’s reaction was near instantaneous when she felt Peridot’s less than gentle grip on her wrist…

Peridot didn’t even have a single second to compose herself physically nor mentally before she was harshly shoved to the ground. For a moment her mind was overwhelmed with how much everything hurt, her legs were most likely rubbed raw from the effort it took to fight through the crowds and now her tail bone and wrist’s stung from being shoved over.

Had the situation been different Peridot’s mind would have most likely drifted to all the other times she had felt that familiar sting in her lower back and hands, but her mind was suddenly stripped clean of all coherent thoughts when she glanced up and into Lapis’ eyes.

Lapis’ once warm and kind brown eyes now burned with an intense seething hatred. It was a hatred Peridot had never seen before, fiery and passionate yet cold and bitter…it was a hatred that rose a great deal of fear in Peridot and robbed her of any other thoughts aside from the girl in front of her and the hatred that girl directed towards her.

“NEVER. GRAB. ME. LIKE. THAT. AGAIN.” Lapis practically growled, her fists clenched tight and slightly raised in a silent threat. Her eyes practically dripping magma as she snarled down at the offender, making sure that she looked as intimidating as possible.

Lapis’ mind was a thick miasma of negative emotions, feelings and memories…shouting, near throat rupturing screams, echoing through her mind…a boiling sense of rage, deep cutting insults…insults that were crafted to hurt as much as possible…

Physical pain phantoming over her body…feeling each strike, each cut, each pain filled _grasp_ …the memory of large hands forcing her…manipulating her…leaving her nowhere to run and nowhere to hide.

The worst part was the feeling of sick pleasure that lingered at the edges of the pain...yes she hurt, but she hurt _her_ just as much…maybe even more…how Lapis used to relish that thought, the very notion that she could cause _her_ even more suffering than she herself had been forced to feel.

 “…rry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I…”

Lapis closed her eyes tightly and with a deep breath her mind was suddenly clear of the self-destructive thoughts and rage induced ghosts from her past. All the tension in her body melted away and if Lapis hadn’t experienced this exact scenario before she might have been scared with just how quickly the pain could come and subsequently go.

Opening her eyes after a few more deep breathes, to ensure her episode was well and truly over, Lapis’ sight instantly rested on an image she would never be able to purge from her mind as long as she lived.

Peridot was curled up into a small ball on the ground, hands balled tightly into small fists that she held as closely to her chest as she could manage. Her neck bending down so that her chin was tucked slightly under her hands, with her lips quivering as if she were cold.

The blondes eyes were clenched tightly shut and yet her tears seemed to stream down her cheeks completely unhindered. Her whole body shook, almost violently, as her chest heaved with every strained sob that slipped past her quivering lips.

The worst thing to Lapis by far was the utterly terrified and near subservient tone that laced Peridot’s voice as she repeated a mantra of apologies to her.

“No, please don’t cry Peridot, it’s okay! I didn’t mean to yell at you, or shove you down!” Lapis spoke in an almost pleading tone, quickly kneeling down beside the smaller girl as if to make herself appear less threatening or at the very least coax the girl to stop her heart wrenching sobbing.

Glancing around Lapis noticed they had begun to draw a crowd and the last thing she wanted was to have some know-it-all try to step in and ‘help’ them. So with a little bit of effort Lapis managed to unfurl one of Peridot’s fists, quickly taking it in her own hand before pulling Peridot to her feet. Once she was certain Peridot wouldn’t collapse back to the floor, Lapis quickly lead them away from their crowd and over to one of the many benches that littered the thoroughfare.

Having been pulled to her feet, forced to walk and then placed into a sitting position on a small metal bench was enough to ground Peridot back into reality. Now that her thoughts were no longer clouded with fear a thick fog of guilt and self-hatred took its place.

“I’m sorry…I’m so stupid and…I didn’t mean to…it was…” Peridot tried to find the right words to say, to apologize with, but every time she tried her thought would be broken by yet another small sob or uncontrolled sniffle.

“Look, it was more or less my fault. You didn’t really know that what you did was…wrong? Gah, I’m the one who should be sorry okay? I have a lot of baggage and stuff so, like, stop crying? I don’t hate you or anything okay!?” Lapis practically spit the words out, grabbing her left arm awkwardly while doing her best to avoid looking directly at Peridot.

Lapis had no idea what to say to reassure the little engineer. On one hand she knew what she did was awful, she had been the cause of what she assumed was one of Peridot’s panic attacks…and yet she didn’t want to think that she was truly the one to blame.

Peridot was the one who forced herself onto Lapis…yelled at her…caused her to remember a time she had so desperately tried to forget…

So why did it hurt so bad to hear Peridot’s muffled cries? She was at fault! Lapis shouldn’t feel sorry about yelling at her...but she couldn’t help the way her stomach bottomed out as she remembered the sight of Peridot sobbing on the floor…

Sweet, nerdy and adorable Peridot…

How was Lapis supposed to feel? What was she supposed to do with all the conflicting thoughts that now raced through her mind? Would she even be able to normally talk to Peridot again after this?

She needed time to think…

“I don’t hate you okay? I don’t want you to ever bring this up again…we will forget this ever happened and everything between us will be…okay.” Lapis finally broke the silence that had overtaken them, her voice suddenly sounding very cold and near emotionless.

Peridot could only nod in response, her eyes glued to the ground as she desperately tried to regain control of herself…the last thing she needed right then was to have to make up another story to tell the others when they finally met back up…

The two said nothing more to each other before slipping back into a tense and uneasy silence. The last few words Lapis spoke to her echoing around inside Peridot’s mind.

_‘…everything between us will be…okay…’_

It wasn’t okay.

Lapis smiled brightly and waved over the other three when she saw them exit the department store…but it wasn’t okay.

Lapis continued to smile when she talked and even laughed so hard with Amethyst at one point she snorted…but it wasn’t okay.

Lapis helped Pearl win a trivia contest at the food court by shouting out the answers since Pearl was too shy…but it wasn’t okay.

Lapis stealthily stole the front seat in Garnet’s car out from under the others while laughing at Amethyst’s complaints about her cheating…but it wasn’t okay.

Lapis smiled and wished the group a goodnight with a small wave after the three dorm dwellers were dropped off later that afternoon…but it wasn’t okay.

…it wasn’t okay…because Lapis never acknowledged her directly for the rest of the day. Lapis never smiled at her, never spoke directly to her, never commented on things that she said or did. Lapis looked as normal as could be…but Peridot knew she had hurt her…

_Worthless… Lier… Cheat… You trick them into thinking you aren’t a colossal waste of life and what do you do? WHAT DO YOU DO PERIDOT?_

“…I…I h-hurt her…s-she was so…a-an-angry…” Peridot muttered, tears rolling down her cheeks as she clutched her phone to her chest. Her first ever text message to a…friend…still visible on the screen...

**-Peridot- I’m so sorry Lazuli**

_Stupid… Broken… Disgusting… Sorry? You think you have the right to be sorry!? YOU DON’T DESERVE TO FEEL SORRY FOR WHAT YOU DID!_

“I’m s-s-sorry! I didn’t mean it!” Unrestrained sobs escaped the small engineer’s throat as she curled in on herself in a vain attempt to escape her own thoughts.

Why did she have to be such a screw up? Why did she have to ruin the best thing that had ever happened in her worthless life? Why couldn’t she, just once, not be a complete and utter failure when it came to anything aside from robotics?

The worst part was that Peridot didn’t even know what she had done to make Lapis so angry at her…

_You want to feel sorry and yet you can’t even understand why she was angry with you? You think you can have friends and yet you don’t know what upsets them? ARE YOU REALLY THAT STUPID? Stupid… Worthless… Failure…_

It was true, Peridot had been so excited to finally ‘have friends’ that she didn’t even bother to consider that she had no idea how ‘having friends’ actually worked. She didn’t even bother to consider that she might accidentally do something to offend them in her ignorance.

She had been too preoccupied with her own happiness that she failed to think about the happiness of her ‘friends’…

_It’s only a matter of time before she tells the others. Tells them how awful you are. How worthless you are. How you hurt her! HOW YOU HURT HER PERIDOT! DID YOU EVEN LOOK INTO HER EYES!? DID YOU SEE HOW MUCH SHE HATES YOU FOR WHAT YOU DID!?_

“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to do it! I didn’t mean to mess up! I’m sorry! I’M SO SORRY LAPIS!” Peridot screamed into her pillow as she tried to drown out the voice in her head with her own, but no matter how loud she got…no matter how bad her ears began to ring, she could still hear it…and it was right…like always…

_Apologies mean nothing from you. You failed to have the one thing you always wanted, because that’s what you are. A failure. A worthless waste of breath. No one want’s you. No one will ever want you once they know how worthless you are…_

“I’m sorry…” Peridot whimpered, pulling her phone from her chest to see that Lapis still hadn’t responded. It suddenly felt very cold in her room as a somber feeling of acceptance settled over the small techie’s chest.

_You hurt her…she will never forgive you…you don’t deserve to be forgiven…_

It hurt…but it was true…

Peridot was about to clutch her phone to her chest once again to continue sobbing when her stomach growled audibly in protest at having been neglected for so long. A sickening part of her mind told her that she didn’t deserve food…that she should go hungry as punishment for hurting Lapis, but she knew that was a dangerous game to play…

So with some effort she forced herself to stand, quickly biting the inside of her cheek in a vain attempt to stop yet another sob from slipping out and into the quiet of her room…she didn’t deserve to feel bad, only Lapis deserved that after what Peridot had done…

Peridot briefly wondered how long she had been lying on her bed for, as she had somehow managed to knock her clock off her nightstand at some point, before she slowly made her way into her darkened bathroom. Not bothering to turn on the light Peridot splashed some cold water on her face, which seemed to do next to nothing in terms of making it look as if she hadn’t been sobbing on her bed for the past several hours.

It would just have to do, after all Peridot doubted she would run into anyone she knew at this time of…well whatever time of day it was.

After throwing on one of her well-worn hoodies and double checking she still had her wallet in her pocket Peridot quietly slipped out of her room and into the hall, taking extra caution to not make any loud noises just in case it actually was later than she realized.

Luckily for her sore and throbbing legs the small twenty-four hour campus convenience store was located relatively close to the dorms and after just a few minute walk Peridot stepped inside. It was well lit and the bright artificial light blinded the small blonde momentarily, leaving her to wander the first few aisles blinking her vision back to normal.

Since it was a university convenience store, and most students were either poor or lazy, finding something small yet filling didn’t prove much of a task. Peridot felt a bit nervous as she made her way towards the cashier, but if he had noticed that she had been emotionally distraught mere minutes ago he didn’t comment on it.

…not like Peridot had been expecting him too…no one ever noticed…

Stepping back out into the darkened campus caused Peridot to shiver slightly, despite the late spring night being pleasantly warm. Another small grumble from her stomach was all the urging she needed to begin wolfing down her small meal and in just few short moments it was completely gone.

Now that Peridot’s mind was no longer focused on her stomach she realized she hadn’t really left the convenience stores doorway. Blushing lightly in embarrassment Peridot began walking forward, hoping the cashier hadn’t noticed her standing there so long.

Making her way back in the direction of her room Peridot felt the unpleasant emotions she had been suffering with earlier begin to crawl back into her thoughts…

Quickly turning away from the dorms Peridot began to wander deeper into the campus. She wasn’t sure where she was headed just yet, but being outside and in the open air had temporarily freed her mind from her agonizing thoughts and emotions…

Not the small voice, no that was always there whispering into her mind, but at least her sobbing and self-loathing had stopped and Peridot wished to revel in that calm just a little while longer…after all she knew she would be forced to confront her thoughts once again regardless when she eventually returned to her room…

Peridot wasn’t sure how long she had been walking or even where it was she was walking too for that matter, although she sort of recalled passing the applied science building where most of her classes were.

Her mind was in a haze, focusing on nothing as she walked. No negative thoughts…no positive ones either, just a fog of white noise engulfing her senses…so when she heard her name suddenly being called, unexpected panic began surging through her.

Who had seen her? What did they want? Was she going to be punished for what she had done to Lapis at the mall? Why hadn’t she grabbed her phone? Why-?

Peridot felt pressure on her shoulder and realized that someone had closed the gap between them and her while she had been lost in her panic induced thoughts. Closing her eyes tightly Peridot waited for her punishment to begin…would they hit her? Throw her in a nearby dumpster? Take her clothes? Break her glasses-?

“Is tiny gonna be okay?”

That voice was one Peridot had never heard before and despite knowing better Peridot let her curiosity get the better of her by allowing her eyes to open, while turning slightly to see who it was standing next to her.

Garnet stood right beside her, hand placed on Peridot’s shoulder. Garnet’s grasp was gentle yet firm, holding Peridot in such a way that she wasn’t being hurt yet at the same time wouldn’t be able to run away.

The taller diva’s expression was hard for Peridot to read, especially with the overly large sunglasses she was wearing despite it being the dead of night, but she looked pleased enough to see her.

“Out for a night walk Peridot?” Garnet asked smoothly with a small smile, immediately noticing Peridot’s attention was not currently directed at her, but instead her workout companion.

Lapis was well defined, very muscular and toned. However, when she stood right next to Garnet she almost looked thin and delicate in comparison. Peridot never thought she would see the day when the tables would be turned on Garnet…

While the two were roughly the same height, the girl standing next to Garnet’s right was far more muscular than the diva herself was. Peridot briefly wondered just how much that girl could lift or if she was a competitive body builder, but her thoughts all derailed when their gazes met.

Scary, tough and maybe even mean would have been words Peridot would have used to instantly describe that women…until she met her gaze. Whoever that girl was Peridot couldn’t deny she had the most charming and friendly smile.

It was a smile that reached from ear to ear and shone brightly in her eyes…almost as brightly as her rainbow dyed hair.

“Peridot this is Bismuth, she is our good friend and my workout partner.” Garnet said happily, she had just finished telling Bismuth all about the small techie and was more than pleased to introduce them right away.

“Hey there tiny! I hear you are pretty good with electronics and stuff huh?” Bismuth said happily as she stuck out her hand for a handshake. Peridot was certain that this woman had seen her suffering a panic attack just moments ago, but here she was acting as if nothing had happened…

For once Peridot appreciated it.

“It’s not even a hard name to pronounce…yes I am a technical genius.” Peridot sighed, an overblown expression of annoyance barely concealing her amused smile as she shook the taller woman’s hand. Bismuth seemed to have a similar air to Amethyst, in which she seemed to dispel any negative feelings in the air and replace them with a peppy sort of joy that Peridot wasn’t used to feeling.

“Oh-ho, tiny has got sass! I’m all for that!” Bismuth laughed heartily, bringing Peridot into a side hug and pressing a soft noogie to her head. “Well miss genius I have a computer hardware class I need help with, so what say you to tutoring me sometime?”

Peridot couldn’t believe just how jovial and easy going the assumed bodybuilder was. Peridot giggled a little at the sudden hug and ‘angrily’ batted Bismuth’s hands away from her head. “I suppose I could share some of my intellect with you.”

Bismuth laughed again, commenting how ‘legit’ Peridot was to herself. “Right on, well I need to bounce so I’ll swipe your number from Gar next time. I’ll see you two later!” Bismuth said with a wide smile, pulling the other two into another quick hug before she turned and made her way down the path and out of sight.

Yep, pretty similar to Amethyst.

“I’m glad you two hit it off, although I don’t know of a single person who doesn’t like Bismuth.” Garnet said with a small chuckle as she looked down at Peridot who still had her hand up in a silent goodbye wave.

“Tiny, that’s an even worse nickname then Peri.” Peridot huffed with a smile as she tried to make out which way her new friend had gone…

…new ‘friend’…

Peridot didn’t deserve anymore ‘friends’…after all she was going to lose the ‘friends’ she already had…

“Peridot.” Garnet’s voice suddenly cut through the bubbling murk of thoughts that had started to consume the blonde. “Let’s go sit over there.”

Garnet’s tone was soft yet firm, like her hand that was now nudging Peridot towards a small nearby bench. It was a request for Peridot to be at ease while at the same time demanding her cooperation, it was an odd juxtaposition that Peridot felt only Garnet could make work.

“Why?” Was all Peridot could think to ask as she obediently allowed herself to be led.

“We need to talk.” Garnet ushered Peridot to sit, observing the smaller girl’s face briefly before sitting as well. “Peridot.” Once again Garnet spoke her name, this time the girl in question glanced up to look at Garnet as she spoke.

“What did Lapis do?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long, existing is difficult sometimes.


	8. Flawed Friendships Pt. 03

_…she should have known…she should have known…worthless…she should have known…she should have known…she should have known…broken…she should have known…she should have known…she should have known…it was all her fault…she should have known…she should have known…she should have known…she should have known…she should have known…just like always…she should have known…she should have known…she should have known…failure…she should have known…she should have known… she should have known… **YOU HURT HER** …she should have known…she should have known…she should have known…_

Garnet wasn’t blind nor was she stupid. It would have been impossible for her not to notice the state those two had been in when she, Amethyst and Pearl finally managed to get through the checkout line and back into the malls main thoroughfare.

Peridot had obviously been crying, her whole demeanor screamed of fear and sadness. The way she held herself, trying to take up as little physical space as possible, made her look so much smaller than she normally did…

But Lapis, despite holding a look of cold nonchalance before seeing the trio, greeted them cheerfully and in doing so inspired Peridot to weakly smile and wave at them as well. Garnet’s chance to naturally confront the two had left before it had even arrived and despite the sickening feeling that sat heavy in her stomach Garnet tried her best to push those questions from her mind for the rest of their day.

She shouldn’t have done that.

It would be one of Garnet’s most abject failures, she had seen the pain and fear in Peridot’s eyes and instead of trying to fix the issue there and then she let it slide. Garnet allowed the day to continue as if nothing had happened, even though something very clearly had and by doing so she allowed the little engineer to suffer…

Seeing the fear and self-hatred in Peridot’s eyes the previous afternoon at the picnic table had been heart wrenching. Seeing her vomit due to her anxiety and fear, hearing her call herself broken…Garnet had thought that would be the worst thing she would see from the tiny blonde.

She was wrong, very, very wrong…

It had been an unassuming question or so Garnet had thought, she simply wanted to know what Lapis had said or done to cause Peridot to be so distraught. Garnet hadn’t been expecting that simple little question to absolutely break the small girl in front of her.

Their gaze’s had been locked to each other’s when the question was asked so the first thing Garnet noticed was the quick flash of terror that surged through Peridot’s bright blue eyes. The emotion didn’t stay however as Peridot’s eyes quickly clouded over in a way Garnet couldn’t quite find the words to explain.

It was almost as if Peridot was wistfully gazing at an old memory…

Garnet’s mind was pulled from its sudden distracting thoughts by the slight shaking of the bench the two were seated on. Confusion at this lasted for only a moment before Garnet realized it was because Peridot had begun to tremble.

The taller girl opened her mouth to speak something, anything, to comfort the small blonde, but was stopped prematurely by the sound of a choked sob that managed to make its way past Peridot’s now quivering lips.

A single tear made its way down Peridot’s cheek as she brought her arms to wrap around herself, then another tear fell followed by yet another…and suddenly she shattered…

Peridot bent forward slightly as a howling cry ripped from her throat, her tears now pouring down her face in unhindered torrents. Her sobs came frequently now, each one chasing the last out of her mouth and each one sound more primal and filled with deep seeded sorrow than the last.

Her soft trembling quickly became uncontrolled convulsing, shaking with such force that Garnet might have mistaken it for Peridot having a seizure had the circumstances been different.

Garnet was suddenly filled with an unnamable fear at the sight of the smaller girl screaming and crying before her, never had she witnessed something so awful and despite herself for a moment she was frozen in place unsure of what to do to help.

It was the sudden string of ‘I’m sorry’ that Peridot began to chant between her hauntingly broken sobs that finally pushed Garnet into action. She quickly grabbed the smaller girl and pulled her into a tight hug, seating her directly in Garnet’s lap.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…it was all my fault! I hurt her, I’m so sorry!” Peridot sobbed into Garnet’s chest, burying her face away from the world as her fists balled up in Garnet’s shirt and pulled heavily on the fabric.

Garnet began whispering soft shushing sounds to the hysteric girl, one hand placed on Peridot’s lower back and her other on her head, as she began gently rocking herself and Peridot back and forth in a gentle manner.

“It’s okay, you’re okay. I’m here and I won’t let anyone hurt you.” Garnet whispered as she began stroking Peridot’s hair, much like Rose had once done for her several years ago.

Time seemed to pass slowly for Garnet, but she didn’t care, already committed to staying on that bench all night with Peridot if that was what she needed. Luckily it seemed that wouldn’t be the case, because while it did take some time to get Peridot to calm down the small blonde did begin to relax in Garnet’s grasp.

Garnet was thankful it was late enough that there was no one around to interrupt them and yet not too late that campus security would have come around and told them to leave.

A few more minutes passed before Peridot sobs finally died down into the occasional hiccupping whimper and her convulsions stilling into the sporadic shiver. Leaning back from where she had been resting Peridot wiped roughly at her eyes and face, before looking up at Garnet.

“I’m sorry I got your shirt all dirty…” Peridot whispered softly as her gaze drifted down to the large wet spot that was now covering Garnet’s left breast.

“It’s more than alright Peridot, this is my workout shirt anyway so no harm done.” Garnet said with a soft smile, crossing both of her hands behind Peridot on the small of her back in a very subtle yet noticeable declaration that Peridot would not be allowed to leave the taller girl’s lap just yet.

Peridot blushed a soft pink at the action and accepted her fate by shimmying slightly to get a bit more comfortable in her new seat. The smaller blonde opened her mouth to speak, but given how close the two currently were and what had just happened mere moments ago Peridot found her words nonexistent.

Garnet decided to take the lead and try to direct the conversation to where it truly needed to go. “Are you feeling better now?”

Strangely enough despite everything that had just happened Peridot couldn’t deny she felt quite a bit better than she had earlier, more tired than before, but other than that she felt much better. “Yes actually, I’m feeling quite calm and relaxed despite…that all happening.”

Garnet smiled at the diplomatic tone Peridot adopted, it was very much like her and it made the diva incredibly happy to see some of the regular happy Peridot shining through. Sadly, Garnet knew she was going to have to ask some hard questions and was fully prepared for the techie to devolve back into a sobbing mess at any moment.

“Speaking of which…” Garnet said slowly, her arms tightening around Peridot ever so slightly. “…perhaps it would be good to talk about why ‘that’ happened?” The taller girl phrased it as a question, but they both knew that it was an ultimatum for Peridot to answer.

Even so Peridot was still rather afraid of answering…

“I…always mess up…I never know what I’m supposed to and…I messed up…I’m so stupid…” Peridot mumbled, averting her gaze from Garnet’s, her trembling slowly coming back as her mind began to drift back to the miasma of painful thoughts and memories.

“It’s always my fault…I should have known…”

_It had been a good day…_

_She had made it to school a bit early, leaving just enough time to look over the days assignments._

_She had aced all her tests that week and now had a perfect report card to show her mother._

_She was able to eat her entire lunch in peace and had only been elbowed six times in total while walking through the halls…_

_It had been a good day…_

_Until it wasn’t…_

_“Are. You. Fucking. Stupid.”_

_Each word was punctuated with a hard smack to the back of her head, the assailing boy growled in frustration when a small whimper escaped her lips._

_“The. Test. Was. Graded. On. A. Curve.”_

_Tears began welling up in her eyes, her head now ringing as blow after blow registered on the back of her skull. Unable to take another strike the smaller girl fell to her knees, bringing her hands up to shield the back of her head._

_“Get her up!”_

_The boy yelled in anger and suddenly she felt herself being roughly pulled to her feet. Her arms wrenched to her sides as two of the other boys held her in place, despite how much she wiggled in their grasp._

_“You stupid little bitch! Thanks to you the curve was set way too high and I failed!”_

_“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean…” Her voice trailed off as the larger boy grabbed her cheeks and harshly squeezed them together, glaring into her eyes angrily._

_The boy stared at her for a few more seconds, as if trying to bore his hatred into her very core, before releasing his grasp and stepping back…although not before delivering a stinging slap to her right cheek…_

_“It’s common fucking knowledge that you whiff on those tests so everyone gets a good grade! You just wanted me to fail!”_

_“No that’s not true! I didn’t know!” She weakly shouted before she could bite her tongue. Her eyes widened in fear, tears burning down her cheeks, as she realized what she had just done…_

_She knew better than to raise her voice…_

_The boy’s hand balled up into a fist and as he swiftly raised it into the air she clamped her eyes shut in preparation of the blow that was soon to follow._

_“Now my love you are already stuck cleaning your dad’s gym equipment for the rest of the year since you failed that test, the last thing you need is to give her a black eye and get suspended.”_

_The voice was soft and sweet, almost as if whoever had spoken hadn’t witnessed the taller boy viciously beating Peridot only moment prior. Regardless Peridot was thankful and after keeping her eyes closed a few more seconds just to be sure, the smaller girl cracked open her eyes to take in whatever scene was before her._

_“So you really didn’t know about the ‘curved grade’ rule, hmm?”_

_The girl spoke with a soft hum in her voice as she walked over to Peridot and gently rubbed her hand over the stinging skin of Peridot‘s cheek._

_“I promise I didn’t know! I wouldn’t have done it if I had!” Peridot tried to push as much honesty into her voice as she possibly could, temporarily forgetting about the taller boy as well as the ones currently holding her arms at her sides._

_“You didn’t know about the table rule either, you really upset my cheer squad when you sat at their table you know?”_

_Peridot felt her stomach turn at the subtle new lilt to the girl’s voice, it was dark and foreboding and it screamed of danger. She was suddenly reminded of the two boys who were holding her in place when she subconsciously tried to run from the girl in front of her._

_“I hate to say it Peridot, but not knowing isn’t an excuse.”_

_The girl snapped her fingers and the two boys lifted Peridot off the ground and held her suspended in the air, due to her short stature she was now eye to eye with the girl lecturing her._

_“My love got in a lot of trouble because you ‘didn’t know’ and my cheer squad had to find a new table to sit at because you ‘didn’t know’.”_

_The taller boy had now taken a few steps back, a nasty smile on his lips as he watched his girlfriend berate and chastise the smaller girl._

_“Remember when you made that new student in first year cry because you ‘didn’t know’ she was anorexic and you offered her some of your lunch in front of everyone?”_

_The girl motioned towards a nearby dumpster and Peridot felt a new wave of panic rush through her body, but despite her best efforts she couldn’t escape the tight grasps she was held in._

_“Not knowing isn’t an excuse Peridot and I think a punishment is in order.”_

_“Please no, I’m sorry! I’m really sorry! I swear I won’t sit at your table again and I’ll-” Peridot’s pleading was cut off as she felt her left prosthetic being torn from her leg._

_“You don’t have the right to feel sorry Peridot. You were too stupid to know what you were supposed to do, so now you are going to be punished for it.”_

_Peridot was a blubbering mess of apologies and tears, begging that they didn’t do this to her, but her cries went on deaf ears and soon she felt her right prosthetic being pulled from her leg as well._

_“Now it wouldn’t be much of a punishment if you could just walk away after we left so I’m taking these off, I suggest you think about what you’ve done and hopefully we won’t have to hear you say you ‘didn’t know’ ever again.”_

_And with that Peridot felt herself sailing through the air for only a moment before she landed face first into a pile of garbage. Twisting herself around she caught only a glimpse of the late afternoon sun before the lid was slammed down, sealing her inside with a bang._

_It smelt awful, she was so uncomfortable, her face stung, her arms stung, her ears were still ringing and her head was still sore…_

_It had been a good day…_

_Until Peridot had ruined it…_

_It was her fault after all…she should have known…_

“Peridot, it’s okay. You’re not at fault, you did nothing wrong.” Garnet’s voice suddenly cut through the memory Peridot hadn’t even realized she’d slipped into. It took a few moments for Peridot to register what the other girl had said and when it finally did Peridot’s mind was sent into chaos.

“You can’t say that! You don’t know what happened, how stupid I was! You don’t know!” Peridot all but shouted as she frantically looked around as if the two were about to be jumped due to what Garnet just claimed.

A reassuring squeeze helped the smaller girl calm down and after locking gazes with Garnet for a few moments Peridot let her head dip slightly. “I hurt her Garnet…she was so angry…I didn’t know…I’m so stupid…”

Garnet frowned at this revelation, Peridot hurt Lapis? Physically? Unlikely. Emotionally or mentally however… Lapis had gotten angry and Peridot didn’t know what she had done to upset her. So basically Peridot has been raking herself over the coals all day for a misunderstanding that triggered one of Lapis’ episodes and since Lapis is completely inept at talking to people about emotions and her past…

“Peridot you did nothing wrong.” Garnet spoke with a firm yet caring tone, causing Peridot’s head to shoot up again this time with a dumbfounded look now adorning her face. “Lapis has a less than perfect past and can sometimes meltdown into fits of anger if forced to remember bits of it, you may have unknowingly triggered a flash back or have simply been in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

“It’s still my fault…I didn’t know and I did something that hurt her! Even if it wasn’t directly my fault I still should have known what she was feeling and not-!” The smaller girl was cut off from her ranting by Garnet placing her index finger on her lips.

“You didn’t know is exactly the point Peridot, It’s one thing to remain ignorant to later claim innocence it’s another thing entirely to have no way of knowing something beforehand.” Garnet smiled warmly as she let her words float between them for a moment before she continued. “You keep saying that you should have known, but how could you have? None of us gave you any reason to even slightly suspect that Lapis might be harboring some form of past trauma.

There might be six dogs in one room, all panting and wagging their tails happily, but unless someone tells you that the third from the right will bite you if you get too close you would have no way of knowing that. Should you then blame yourself for ‘antagonizing’ the dog even thought you had no conceivable way of knowing it would attack you?

To say that you didn’t know when the knowledge is readily available is something that can be frowned upon, but you put too much blame on yourself for not knowing things that are often unknowable until the situation arises.” A small warmth bloomed in Garnet’s chest as she spoke, watching in Peridot’s eyes as years of self-deprecation and broken ideology began to slowly crumble away.

Peridot’s mind was an absolute mess. She had been told over and over again that she just needed to know…when to do things, when not to do things, what to say, how to act…she was just supposed to know. No apologizing when she got something wrong, she was just supposed to know…

Was she…not a failure for not knowing…?

“I…just- I’m supposed to-” Peridot tried to vocalize the rules she had been taught her whole life by her peers, but the slight shaking of Garnet’s head stopped her in her mid-sentence.

“How Peridot? How could you possibly know everything? It’s unreasonable to say that you, and only you, can’t make mistakes or apologize.” Garnet smiled wide as she could almost physically feel an emotional weight lifting off of Peridot’s heart in that moment.

“I’m allowed to mess up…?” Peridot asked in a small timid voice, much like a child asking a question that they were afraid would get them into trouble. Garnet nodded her head, encouraging smile never leaving her lips.

“I’m allowed to not…know…?” This time Peridot asked with more strength in her voice, the sound of the voice in the back of her mind slowly fading into a dull roar of white noise. She was no longer able to hear the chant of ‘she should have known’ and instead finding herself clinging to the sight of Garnet happily smiling at her while gently scratching at her back.

“Of course Peridot, while it’s the best course of action to keep informed, you should never berate yourself for not knowing or understanding something the first time.” Garnet was extremely pleased with the way this conversation had progressed and only found herself smiling even bigger once Peridot own lips curved upward into a small smile.

Sliding off of Garnet’s lap Peridot sat beside the taller girl and mulled this new information over in her mind, feeling as if someone had pulled a rubber band off from around her heart. Even as her mind raced to process all the ins and outs of what Garnet had said there was still one massive issue that loomed on Peridot’s mind.

Lapis’ anger filled eyes flashed through Peridot’s thoughts…

“It…doesn’t matter.” Peridot’s happy expression fell, her hands wringing nervously in her lap as she stared down at the ground. “I hurt her…she was so angry at me…she probably hates me now…”

Peridot hadn’t noticed how tense she had become until she felt Garnet’s strong yet gentle hand grab the back of her neck. At first the little blonde thought she was about to be scolded, but her fears quickly dissipated as the grasp Garnet had on her changed from a simple hold to a relaxing massage.

“I am positive she does not hate you Peridot, while she might still be a little upset that whatever happened did in the first place I can say with certainty that given some time she will not hold it against you.” Garnet’s reassuring voice and steady rhythmic hand movements eased away nearly every drop of tension that remained in Peridot’s body.

However, Peridot’s mind wouldn’t be so easily appeased.

“I-I grabbed her by the wrist a-and shouted at her to wait!” Peridot said with what Garnet assumed was supposed to be an exasperated shout, but thanks to her constant massaging it came out as more of an exasperated mewl. “She looked like she wanted to…she shoved me down…”

Garnet’s eyebrows raised a bit at that assertion, she had not known Lapis to be a violent person to anyone other than her ex. Garnet certainly couldn’t see any similarities between the two women, but maybe Lapis did? It would be something she would need to keep her eyes on so to prevent something like this happening in the future.

For now though Garnet needed to reassure Peridot that Lapis was not normally a violent and easily offended individual. “Yes, I can see where she would be upset at that. However, I still do not believe she will hold it against you Peridot.”

“I apologized…even though I knew- thought I didn’t have a right to…she never answered…” Peridot’s words were followed by a heavy sigh as she closed her eyes and hung her head, she was suddenly feeling very drained now that her adrenaline high from her meltdown had worn off added to the fact that Garnet had continued the small massage to that point and showed no signs of stopping.

A sympathetic smile pulled at Garnet’s lips as she watched Peridot hang her head in what she could only assume was defeat. Peridot by her own admission, through her actions and what she has said of her past, has never really had friends before and through that has never had to deal with having a fight with a friend nor how to deal with said fight.

“Give her some time and I promise she will answer, most likely she will call you out for a coffee or something and apologize for taking so long to make things right.” Garnet spoke from experience as she and Lapis had gone at it back in the early days of their friendship and that was how Lapis had always patched their bond.

“We’ve only known each other a few days, it wouldn’t be hard for her to simply write me off as a worthless friend and never think about me again.” Peridot’s defeated tone told Garnet that the smaller girl had stopped taking her words to heart and decided to fix that.

Reaching her free hand over and grasping Peridot’s chin, Garnet turned her face and tilted it upwards until the two had locked gazes with each other once again. “You are not a ‘worthless friend’, if anything you are an extraordinary friend with your ability to perform witchcraft.”

Peridot’s face scrunched up in confusion and a soft of bewildered offense. It was an absolutely adorable expression and it caused a fairly hearty chuckle to bubble out of Garnet’s mouth. “You know we have discussed just how strange it is that we’ve only known you for such a short amount of time and yet we love you as much as we do, you must have placed a spell on us.”

Garnet’s amusement at the small engineer’s face rapidly changed to a feeling of endearment as she watched Peridot’s eyes light up with unbridled joy for a brief moment before her whole face exploded into a fiery red blush. It took a moment for the taller girl to realize what she had done to embarrassed the small girl so thoroughly, but then it clicked…

She had said she loved Peridot.

Which was absolutely true as nonsensical as it was, after all it had been at best three days since they met. Garnet shouldn’t have formed such a strong bond with the smaller girl…and yet…

Granted her love for the techie was more of a close lifelong friendship sort of love, which she should have probably clarified beforehand…although she’s not sure if that would have mattered since she doubted anyone has every truthfully told this small cinnamon roll that they love her in any form…

Snapping back to reality Garnet realized she had been holding Peridot’s face still the entire time, which had only added to the small blonde’s embarrassment since she couldn’t turn and hide her face.

“Sorry Peridot, that probably came as quite a shock to hear. I love all my friend’s a great deal and I try to tell them that as much as I can so they never forget just how much they mean to me.” Garnet explained softly, finally releasing Peridot from her grasp with a small chuckle.

“I-I-It was a tad bit shocking to hear yes…I’m s-s-sorry that-” Peridot stuttered over her words as she turned away from Garnet in an attempt to calm her now rampaging heart and cool her overheated cheeks. Her little rant was cut short before it had a chance to begin as she felt Garnet grasp her shoulders and begin to speak.

Sensing Peridot slipping back into her self-hatred mindset Garnet decided to quickly cut her off and reassure her once again that she was indeed a worthwhile friend. “You have nothing to be sorry for, remember what I said? You are worth out time and we are lucky to have you as our friend, Lapis included.”

_Broken…Worthless…Liar…_

**_But_ _Garnet cares…_**

_You lied to her! She doesn’t truly know what you are!_

**_Maybe…maybe this time will be different…_ **

_It won’t be! They will hate you!_

**_Garnet loves me!_ **

_Pearl will hate you!_

**_Pearl is extremely kind…_ **

_Amethyst will hate you!_

**_Amethyst thinks I’m funny…_ **

_LAPIS HATES YOU!_

**_I DON’T KNOW THAT! I NEED TO GIVE HER TIME!_ **

_They will hurt you…_

**_No. No they won’t._ **

Peridot hadn’t noticed she had begun to softly cry until she was pulled from her thoughts by Garnet turning her around so that the two were seated facing each other once again. Garnet held a look of mild concern on her face and Peridot couldn’t help feeling the warmth bubbling in her chest grow.

Despite the tears now sliding down her cheeks Peridot’s expression bloomed into a large toothy smile as she laughed lightly to herself. “Thank you Garnet, for everything and I’m not quite sure yet, but I think I love you too.”

Garnet’s smile stretched from ear to ear as she snatched Peridot up into a hug, this time however the small engineer was a fountain of jovial little giggles not heart wrenching tears. Their moment lasted a few minutes before Peridot pulled back slightly and cleared her throat, small blush still adorning her cheeks.

“While I appreciate…this…” Peridot said with a hand gesture that Garnet assumed was meant to encompass the time they had spent sitting on that bench. “…would it be agreeable if I ask that you do not speak to anyone about this? I-I do have a reputation to uphold after all!”

There it was, sassy and well-spoken Peridot was back and Garnet couldn’t be happier.

“Of course Peridot.” Garnet said sincerely despite the teasing smile she wore as Peridot fidgeted in her lap, trying to figure out if the larger girl was being truthful with her or not.

After deciding Garnet could be trusted Peridot relaxed a little, fully able to appreciate just how comfortable the diva’s lap truly was. A few more minutes passed with the two idly chatting before a large yawn escaped Peridot’s lips and the small engineer realized just how drained she was after everything that had happened since the incident in the mall.

Garnet offered to carry Peridot to her room, which she vehemently denied saying that Garnet had done far too much for her that evening already and that she might actually die from embarrassment. Despite her refusal Garnet nearly went ahead and carried her anyway, only deciding not to when Peridot explained her room was only a very short walk away.

They exchanged goodnights and went their separate ways and after a few moments Peridot found herself stepping back into her room. Taking a deep breath she made her way over to her phone, only to be filed with a sense of disappointment to see that Lapis still hadn’t texted her back.

Although her mood lifted slightly when she noticed she had received a few other messages during her absence. One from her mother informing her that her replacement prosthetic was on the way, causing her to panic slightly as she wondered if Garnet had noticed her ‘enhancers’ due to all the time she spent on the taller girls lap…

Probably not…hopefully not…she didn’t comment on it so…

Deciding to ignore that train of thought Peridot checked her other messages. Some were from Amethyst and consisted mostly of pictures of food, which Peridot curiously wondered why Amethyst would share those with her? Some were from Pearl, but those where more technical asking things like times that worked best for group study sessions.

Peridot found herself soon engrossed in the conversations and by the time she finally turned off her phone it was nearly time for her to go to bed so she wouldn’t be listless in her classes the next morning.

She had technically spent the whole day with her friends…

Some of it was bad and some of it was embarrassing should she dwell on it too long, but overall she had enjoyed herself immensely. Before she would have spent her entire day off rereading textbooks and probably rewatching an entire season of Camp Pining Hearts…now she had friends to spend that time with…

Friends…

“Just give her time…I can do that…” Peridot muttered to herself as she finished up her nightly routine and carefully slipped into her bed. “I’m sorry Lapis, please forgive me soon…”

Thoughts of Lapis’ anger filled eyes drifted through Peridot’s mind, but it was quickly replaced with images of the group laughing and joking and having fun together with her.

With her…

Peridot fell asleep to the memory of her friends laughing…


End file.
